Golden.

28.

Growing up, I always waited for my golden birthday. I like numbers [even though i hate math], so turning 28 on the 28th was always this magic goal I had. I know, I'm weird.

But now that it's actually here...it's just so weird. A lot has happened the last couple of weeks that have put a little bit of a damper on my birthday, and the stress of two kids and being back at work has really stretched me thin lately. BUT, it's still my golden birthday, and I still plan to enjoy it.

I can honestly say that I NEVER imagined my life would have gone the way it's gone, especially the last couple of years. I can say, though, that I have no regrets and am a stronger person for everything that life has thrown at me. At this point, I've been the highest of the high [having my babies] and the lowest of the low [losing Devon]...and I'm still standing. Well, barely. Parenting two children is tough, yo.

As I look toward another year on this planet, my main goal is to make sure to make the most of the moments I have with my family. During this year, Mia will hit a lot of her firsts, including her first birthday, so I have so much to look forward. And JJ will turn SIX and start kindergarten. Wut. Just...wut. How did my first-born get so big so fast?! J is also deployed again, so we will have to make it through that as a family. My 10-year high school reunion will be this fall as well. So much is going on!

As I start a new year, I just wish for health, happiness and love. There hasn't been a dull moment the last few years, and I think 28 will be the same. I'm so happy to be ringing this birthday in with our sweet rainbow baby, and I'm so happy that I'm in a much better place now than I was a year ago. This past year was a great year for me - lost weight, ran my first 5K, gained a brother-in-law and, most importantly, had Mia - even though it started out rough because I was still reeling from losing Devon. It's refreshing to look back on the last year and be able to smile about it; I hope I can do the same a year from now when I'm about to turn 29.

29. One year from 30. Holy crap.

Happy Golden Birthday to me. :)

One month old.

I can't believe that Mia is one month old now. The last month has gone by so quickly...shoot, 2014 is going by so quickly! How are we already almost halfway through February?!

The last month has had its ups and downs, but it's been great overall. She's growing so fast - I had forgotten how fast newborn babies grow! She's out of her newborn clothes and into most of her 0-3 month clothes...thank goodness, because I bought a ton of 0-3 month clothes that she can wear! I'm not quite sure how much she weighs since she won't go back to the doctor for another month, but she is seemingly picking up weight and growing the way that she should. After spending two weeks on formula, we met with a lactation consultant and started exclusively breastfeeding...that's a whole new experience, since JJ was formula-fed. We're making it work, though, and I'm actually enjoying it now that I've made it through a couple of weeks. I hope to keep breastfeeding after I go back to work next month.

She is really a good baby during the day. She spends most of it sleeping, wakes up every 2-3 hours to eat, then goes back down. At night, though, she is wide awake. She still has her days and nights switched, which makes for a long night for me; she usually only stays up for 3-4 hours before knocking out, though, so at least she's not up all night long. She still isn't a big fan of the pacifier but is a big fan of skin-to-skin time and snuggling with mama. She's starting to recognize voices and seems to calm down when her big brother is around, which is so precious. I'm a little concerned about how close they will be since they're 5 years apart in age, but so far, it seems like they have a great relationship.

JJ is such a great big brother. He always gets me things when I ask, likes to help carry and hold baby sis, and always greets her with a hug [and a head pat] when we pick him up from daycare. I am still trying to give him one-on-one time when he gets home, and it's getting better as Mia gets older and our routine gets more established. I hope this trend continues.

Physically, I feel great. I'm back in my regular clothes, for the most part, but I refuse to step on a scale until my postpartum appointment next week. I'm getting a couple of hours of sleep at a time [when i can get it], so I'm sleepy a lot of the time...but I'm hanging in there. I feel like I bounced back quicker from this pregnancy than my previous two, and that may be because I still have to keep up with things since JJ is here and on an established routine. I think breastfeeding is helping, too; it's forcing me to eat healthier and keep my water intake up, since those help with providing milk for Mia. I hope to start running again when I go back to work in March.

Maternity leave is awesome. I'm not anywhere near ready to go back to work, so I'm glad I have one more month off. I've been a pretty lazy bum while home, but I do keep up with the housework. I should get out and go grocery shopping, but we got 2 inches of snow last night, so I'm not going anywhere but my couch. Ha. I thought I would be more active while I've been home, but I just want to snuggle with Mia and sleep during the day - which is pretty much all I do. With half of my maternity leave gone, though, I should probably start to get back on a semi-routine. Maybe. I've spent a lot of my leave snuggling with Mia on the couch while watching Food Network, HGTV or soap operas...don't think I want it any other way at this point, either.

We had Mia's newborn pictures three weeks ago, and they came out so great. I shared a couple of the pics on Facebook but am going to put some of my faves here. Every day, I look at Mia and can't believe that she's here, can't believe that she's mine. I do still have my moments of absolute sadness, because raising a rainbow is still hard. It reminds me of all of the moments I didn't get with Devon, and it makes me miss him even more. But I like to think that, when Mia is sleeping and starts to smile, she's talking to her big brother up there. I know that may seem silly, but that does give me comfort.

The first month of Mia's life has been great. I can't wait to watch her keep growing. I am beyond smitten with my sweet girl.

Sweet Pea has her daddy wrapped around her finger already.

Love.

This is one of my faves.

Adore this girl.

Baby yawns are the cutest!

One of my absolute faves.

Wide awake - and so adorable. 

This is my favorite. Ever. Can't wait to frame this one. 

I love her faces - and her onesie.

You make me happier than you'll ever know, sweet girl.

Our precious rainbow is here. And she's amazing. [also, this entry is reeeeally long]

I can't believe I get to write this...but I do. And I couldn't be happier.

Our Baby Sweet Pea, Mia Ka'iulani, was born on Thursday, January 9th, 2014, at 9:09am. 6 lbs., 13.7 oz., 19" long. She made a very, VERY fast appearance into this world, one that saw her mama have an epi-free, almost natural birth. She was determined to get here, lemme tell ya.

Back on December 23, my MFM told me that I should deliver between 38-39 weeks. Cool. No big deal. I told my OB when I saw him on December 30, and we went ahead and scheduled my induction for January 9th; I would go in on the 8th at 7pm to start things. Based on measurements, I would be 38w6d, so it worked out. Even by my original due date, I would still be almost 38 weeks, so she would be just about full term. At that point, I just wanted her out and in my arms, even though things were looking fine on the inside [besides the fact that her NSTs weren't all that great; she just wasn't an active baby at the end]. I will admit that I was a little worried we were taking her too early, but again - I wanted her out instead of in anyway.

I went back to work from Christmas break on January 2nd and started maternity leave prep. I also spent those last days finishing our bags, cleaning house and setting things up for Mia's arrival. There were some nights where contractions started up, but nothing ever came of those, so I knew I would probably make it to my induction date. J flew in the night of January 7th, and that's when things started to feel real. I was so thrilled to have him back with us.

I did work on the 8th - J caught up on sleep while I was at work, and working kept my mind preoccupied - and was just about out the door when I got a call from the hospital. They were completely booked [i had been warned when i scheduled my induction that they were going to be a full unit that week] and had no room for me to come in at 7pm. They put me on standby and hoped I could get in before midnight. I was a little deflated at that point - I had spent ALL DAY excited about getting this show on the road - but it did give me more time with JJ. So I went home, hung out with the mens and J's best friend, who had come in to town, and waited on my mom to get there. I did indulge in a banana split while waiting, too. :) I decided to take a nap at 9:30pm but kept my phone ringer turned up, just in case I got a call. At 10:30pm, the hospital called - they had a bed! Yay! I took a shower, shaved, grabbed my bags, said bye to everyone, and J and I headed to the hospital. I got there around 11:30pm, got admitted and was in a room by 11:45pm. My night RN, Paula, got me all settled and started Cervadil around 12:15am on the 9th.

I was too excited to sleep, but I tried to anyway. I dozed on and off until 2:15am, which is when I started feeling contractions. My sister and I were texting back and forth, which helped me through the contractions - they were coming every 4-5 minutes from the start. I remember texting her and saying that she should probably come up sooner rather than later, since I thought I would have a baby by lunch; she hopped in the car and drove up in the middle of the night. She's so awesome. I paged Paula around 4:30am and asked for some IV meds so I could try and get some rest; they definitely helped me relax. I felt so drunk - it was awesome. :P My sister arrived sometime after 5, and I dozed on and off until my OB arrived at 6:30am. I had gone from a 1 to a 3 on the Cervadil, so he went ahead and broke my water. My day RNs, Jennifer and Stephanie, started me on a round of pitocin at 7:45am. I settled in, mentally started preparing to get an epidural, and started to get excited. Mia was on her way!

I was still feeling the IV meds until after my pitocin was bumped at 8:15am; after that, the contractions started coming on pretty quick. By 8:30am, I was really uncomfortable and wanted an epi. I was at a 5-6, so the pitocin was turned off, but Jennifer wanted me to labor it out until 9am to see if my body was good to go or if I needed to get back on pitocin. I was in pain but thought I could make it to 9am. Mia, however, had other plans. By 8:40, I was shaking uncontrollably and just knew I was in transition; the contractions started coming every 1-2 minutes and were really, really intense. My sister paged the RNs, who rushed back to check me - I was nearly at an 8 and quickly progressing towards a 10. They put in the order for the epi and for my OB to come back [he'd gone to the office, which was right up the street], but things just moved too quickly. By 8:55, I was at a 10 and was told that I wouldn't be getting the epi after all.

Excuse me? No epi? I was about to have a natural birth?!

At that point, I was in so much pain that I could barely think straight, but my sister, J and the RNs helped me concentrate so I didn't lose my mind. Things were moving so quickly that there was barely time to think. I remember watching the RNs scramble around to get things ready and someone paging my OB to get there ASAP. I had to labor down until things got set up and my OB arrived around 9:05am; I still don't really know how I pulled that off. Two contractions and three pushes later, Mia was here. She didn't cry out right away like JJ had done when he was born, which worried me - but I did get to see her right after she was born, and she was OK. The RNs whisked her away to get her checked out, and I just sat there wondering what the hell had happened. Had I really had a baby that fast? With no epi? Really?

Things happened so quickly that my mom almost didn't make it; she got there just as I started to push. Shoot, my OB barely made it in time to deliver her. Mia's quick arrival did cause her some problems; she had very low blood sugar and some breathing issues. She also didn't really cry much as they were cleaning her and checking her out. She was taken to the nursery for testing and observation, and I didn't get to see her for another 2-3 hours. During that time, I got stitched up [had one first degree tear], cleaned up and got to process what had just happened. People kept telling me I was a rock star for pulling through that, but I was in shock that 1.) our rainbow was here, and 2.) she had come so quickly!

Mia was eventually brought back to us once her blood sugar stabilized, but she had to be checked every 4-5 hours. That sucked, because they kept having to stick her tiny little feet with a needle; that was hard for mama to watch. She also had some bruising on her face from how fast she had been born, but that has since gone down considerably. When I really got to hold her for the first time, I was in absolute awe. She had tons of dark hair and was so, so tiny. I couldn't believe how precious and tiny she was! We tried breastfeeding, but that hasn't gone so well, so I'm not quite sure if that's going to stick or not. She was - and still is - a fairly quiet baby who is pretty content as long as she's fed and not changed. She hates when we change her clothes and/or diaper. :) I spent that whole first night snuggling her; she was just amazing.

She was monitored on Friday, we had some visitors at the hospital, then we were discharged around 5:30pm. Going home with a baby in a car seat instead of empty arms almost had me in tears; I was beyond relieved that she was coming home with us. It has been quite the adjustment, but we are all managing after a couple of days at home. My awesome parents spent the weekend with us and were such a huge help. J has also been incredible. I've been pretty sore from the stitches and whole labor/delivery process, but I'm starting to feel better and have more energy. I hope that by the end of the week, I feel just about human again.

Mia is an awesome baby. JJ has been an awesome big brother, too. He has wanted to hold her, carry her, and play trains with her...he is the sweetest. It's been a struggle to make sure he gets lots of attention, but for the most part, he's done well - and I'm figuring it out. It's been important to me that we keep a routine for JJ's sake, and we're doing that, for the most part. I'm a little sleep deprived when I take him to school in the mornings, but that's no big deal. :)

This entry has gotten ridiculously long, so I'll stop rambling. I'm so grateful our rainbow is here; at the same time, I'm also sad that Devon isn't here with us. I keep thinking of all the things I missed out on with Devon, but I also remind myself that Mia is here because our love for Devon kept us going and eventually led us to Mia - so I need to cherish every single moment with our rainbow baby. I do feel overwhelmed at times by everything, but I'm managing. I'm just so, SO glad Mia is here. She's just...perfect.

My very last bump pic at 38w5d - the day we checked in to the hospital.

First time I really got to hold her. Such a sweet girl.

Sweet snuggles.

Going home!

What a year.

Is today really the last Sunday of the year? Are there seriously only TWO days left in 2013? Where in the world has this year gone?!

As I look back on the year that was, I can't believe how fast it went. I can't believe how far I've come. I can't believe what is coming in 2014. After a very, VERY hard 2012, I wasn't quite sure what 2013 would bring. I figured it HAD to be better than 2012, but I wasn't quite sure if that would be the case. You never know just what life will throw at you after you get the hardest moment of your life thrown at you unexpectedly.

I can honestly say, though, that 2013 has been a pretty awesome year. I've come so far mentally and physically, overcome so much, found strength I didn't know that I had. It's been quite the year.


Highlight of the year: Finding out we were expecting our rainbow. I wasn't even sure I wanted to try again after losing Devon, but I'm glad that we did decide to give parenthood another shot. This pregnancy has been challenging in several ways, but the end is near - I'm being induced on January 9. We're just days away from meeting our sweet Mia.

My latest belly shot on Christmas morning at almost 37 weeks. We're ready for you, sweet girl!

Lowlight of the year: Probably struggling with Devon's loss. The first four months were really hard for me because I still was struggling with losing him. Counseling really helped me move forward, and I'm in a much better place now.

My "WTF, I did that?!" moment of the year: I ran my first 5K! When I started training in January, I wasn't quite sure I would be able to pull it off...and training started to fade the last couple of weeks as I battled through shin splints and a busy schedule. But I finished the training and ran my first 5K at the end of April. I quit running as soon as I found out I was pregnant, but I'm looking forward to running again. I actually kinda miss it.

I posted this pic in a previous post, but I'm posting it again. Me after the OKC Memorial 5K in April. :)

Proud mama moment of the year: Sending JJ off to his first day of pre-k. Walking him in to his school and leaving him was so hard, but he loves school and has done so well this semester. I can't believe he's old enough to be in school!

Teary hugs good bye on JJ's first day of school.

Strongest moment of the year: Getting through Devon's angelversary. That big milestone was really, really hard - I hadn't cried that much since he died - but I was also relieved to have made it through my first year without him. I still think about him often and miss him so much, even with Mia on the way...there will always be a hole in my heart from his loss, but I am not struggling with it anymore. I've been able to move forward but still keep him a part of my life.

Other highlight moments: JJ turning 5 [more on that in a different post], turning 27, finding out I'm going to be an aunt(!), getting my dad back from Afghanistan for good.


Overall, 2013 was a great year...one that will be remembered for more ups than downs, which I'm so grateful for. When the year began, I wasn't quite sure how it would go - but I tried to make the most of it, and I think that I did. There's so much to look forward to in 2014:

-- Sweet Pea's arrival [11 days!]
-- My five-year wedding anniversary [seriously? five years?]
-- My golden birthday [28 on March 28th]
-- My first niece/nephew's arrival at the end of May
-- JJ starts kindergarten/Devon's second angelversary in August
-- My 10-year high school reunion in September/October [yikes]
-- All of Mia's firsts, and watching JJ grow into a big 6-year-old

So thanks for the memories, 2013. I cannot wait to see what 2014 has in store for me.

Twenty thangs.

So, you guys know about that new Facebook thing, right? You get assigned a number, and you have to write that many facts about yourself in a status update.

Well.

Silly me liked my sister's status when she did that, and she gave me the number TWENTY. As in, 2-0. Of course she would be the one to do that.

-________-

Instead of writing all 20 things in this long Facebook status that would make half of you hide me from your feed [if you haven't already], I decided just to write a blog post. That way, you can read all of this if you want...or leave now, and not be bored.


My Long-Ass List, Thanks to Alicia Jackson
1. I shop on Amazon way too much. Like, WAY too much. And I haven't even hit Black Friday yet, which is when I do most of my damage on that site.

2. I grew up loving the color blue but became a huge orange fan after going to OSU and discovering that I actually look decent in orange. :P

3. I love heart charms. I have a heart charm bracelet, heart charm necklaces and a heart charm ring. I love the hearts.

4. I would eat Starburst every day if I could get away with it and not make myself sick.

5. Gilmore Girls is my all-time favorite show. I cried watching the last episode. I still miss that show, and it's been off the air for years now.

6. My poor parents had such a hard time managing my hair when I was younger that there are quite a few pictures of me with ridiculously-looking hair. I feel bad for them and how they had to deal with TWO of us with crazy hair; I'm glad the hair products have gotten better and better as we've gotten older.

7. I am absolutely afraid that I am a horrible mother. That was my biggest fear while pregnant with JJ, and I still have that fear - and the kid is almost 5 now.

8. I rode a horse once when I was in like, 6th grade [remember Mrs. Belinski, Alicia?!], and I loved it. I really want to ride a horse again someday.

9.  I do NOT like the song "Ebony and Ivory". My name isn't even spelled with a freaking -y at the end. We used to sing that blasted song all the time in elementary school, and I always got made fun of because of it. Lame.

10. I really am not a confident person. My self-confidence has gotten better as I've gotten older, but I doubt myself way more than I let on.

11. It doesn't take much for me to cry. I cry when I'm pissed off, I cry during random commercials, I cry watching military homecoming reunions, I cry when my son cries...it's bad. I've always been this emotional.

12. I was hella dramatic in high school. Good gracious. I still have my dramatic moments, but luckily, my overly dramatic side has calmed down.

13. I'm not a big fan of odd numbers; they bug me. [and yes, i realize it's a little ironic that i wrote this one on an odd number]

14. I seriously suck at surprises. I'm that person that wants to tell you what I got you for Christmas the second I buy it. I think it drives my family nuts.

15. I love making lists. I make lists for everything. I currently have lists made for JJ's birthday party, my will-be-packed-soon hospital bag, potential meal ideas and packing that needs to be done for the Christmas holiday [even though that's like, a month away].

16. I hate mayonnaise. Like, hate it. If I can even see a tiny bit of it on a burger, or if I can taste even a tiny bit of it in a sandwich or something, I won't eat it. I'll throw it away. Blech.

17. I love getting my nails done, but I honestly don't have time to get them filled every two weeks - so I quit doing it. I think my nails thank me for it, though, because they're so healthy now. [my pocketbook thanks me, too]

18. My mom and I are more alike than I'm willing to admit. I used to deny it, but as I've gotten older and become a mother, it's completely obvious that I'm a lot like my mom. I'm not saying that's a bad thing; my mom is awesome. But the realization that you are exactly like your mother is a little terrifying when you totally think you're your own person.

19. I really admire my sister for everything she has done. She used to be so introverted in high school [which I know is really, really hard to believe]...and she's blossomed since college. I'm so proud of her.

20. I will only eat Chips Ahoy cookies if they're warmed up in the microwave. That is the ONLY way to eat those cookies.


OK. There ya go. Twenty things. Thanks a lot, sis. :) And now, because I can, I'm posting a random picture from a shoot JJ did this past weekend with our favorite photographer, Averi. His pictures came out SO AWESOME.

Keep growing, Baby Sweet Pea. [an update]

While I don't particularly like the reason why I'm considered high risk this pregnancy, I do like that I get to see Baby Sweet Pea more often via ultrasound than I saw my boys. Today was another one of those ultrasound days - a day I've been anxiously awaiting for more than two months [which is when my last ultrasound was].

Even though I really shouldn't have been nervous - Sweet Pea had been a VERY active little bean for most of the day - I was totally nervous when I walked into my MFM's office. My awesome mom made the trip up from our hometown to attend the scan with me, so that helped calm my nerves a little bit. My blood pressure was still higher than normal, though, something I'm chalking up to the nerves [but my blood pressure is starting to rise, so gotta keep an eye on that]. The nerves went away as soon as I got first glance at Sweet Pea, though.

The first thing I thought was, "Man. She's so big!" My last scan was 10 weeks ago, and she has definitely grown a lot since then. Measurements put her four days ahead of my due date [but I'm not changing my EDD] and weighing about 2lbs12oz. She had a bright spot on her heart at her anatomy scan, but that seemed to have disappeared - woo! Everything with her looks great and is developing on track, and she even yawned a few times. The tech even put the 4D on so I could see her that way - so.flipping.awesome. She gave us a wave and yawned again, and I really got to see her little face and hands. It looks like she has my nose. :) It was such a relief to get a great report and to know that she is developing as she should.

At this point, I'm 28 weeks and almost in the home stretch. I start non-stress tests in three weeks, go back in four for another ultrasound, then I schedule my hospital tour and go to my refresher baby course. The closer we get to January, the more excited I get. I think I'm finally starting to feel like she could come home with us. I'm not as stressed out as I was with my last pregnancy, I've really been watching what I do and try not to overdo it, and I just feel better about things. I've started buying clothes for her, got her car seat, and I'm about to buy her stroller. Eek!

I really haven't stopped smiling since I left the scan - and it was so neat to share that experience with my mom, who hasn't been to an ultrasound since JJ's 20-week scan [which was more than five years ago, holy crap]. I think she thinks that we pregnant women are spoiled today; technology has advanced so much since my sister and I were born. She couldn't believe the detail we could see with the 4D - and neither could I!

I hope that I can continue to be excited about Baby Sweet Pea's arrival. Apprehension starts to creep in as I think about how close I am to my loss milestone, but I'm trying to stay positive and believe that she will come home with us. Keep growing, Baby Sweet Pea. I absolutely can't wait to meet you.

She cooperated and gave us an awesome profile shot today. :)

She's got the beginnings of my nose. I love that face.

As a side note, thank you all SO much for reading my post on my sweet Devon. It meant the world that so many of you took the time to read my post and leave sweet comments about how beautiful he was. It took a lot for me to share that picture, and I was really anxious about how things would go down after I posted. I'm so grateful to have awesome people in my life. Thank you.

Introducing my sweet Devon.

From the moment I laid eyes on his sweet, sleeping face, I was absolutely in love. He had so much hair, long fingers and toes, and was a solid 5 pounds/19.5 inches long. He was absolutely, positively beautiful - and looked so much like his big brother.

I will never forget the moment the nurse wheeled him in. I was signing paperwork to transfer him to the funeral home and have his certificate of stillbirth finalized, and I just lost it. I am pretty sure I never cried as hard as I did the moment I actually got to hold him for the first time. I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to do it - I didn't actually see him until several hours after he was born sleeping - but I knew I would regret it if I didn't take the time to bond with him before he was lost to the skies forever. I cried my heart out as I mourned the loss of my sweet boy, my second born, a little boy whose eyes I would never see, whose smile I would never see, whose cry I would never hear.

I held him as I signed the paperwork, rocked him until it was suggested I get some rest and let him go. He was brought back to meet my mom and JJ, then sent to the funeral home. I got to see him one last time at the funeral home and spent an hour with him, my parents, my sister, J, his uncle and cousin, and JJ. I held him one last time, kissed his sweet face, stroke the adorable suit my parents found him - the only pair of clothes he would ever wear. I'll never forget the moment I saw him last, as I placed him in a basket and walked away, my heart forever broken.

It's been more than a year since I last saw him, and my heart still aches for him. I do have his pictures, and they mean SO MUCH to me...I'm so afraid of losing them that I lock them in a fireproof, flood-proof safe box when I'm not home. Those pictures, along with the onesie he wore at the hospital and my hospital bracelet, are the only things I have of Devon's. I will forever cherish them, especially his pictures.

For the past year, I've debated about showing the world his sweet face. Only my family members have seen him and his pictures, and I wasn't sure how the rest of the world would handle seeing a sleeping baby. The whole pregnancy/infant loss thing is still such a taboo topic that it's hard to tell how people will react to something like this. We did not have an open casket at his memorial - he was cremated - so no one outside of my family has actually seen what Devon looked like. But today, on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, I decided it was time to show the world the little boy who will always be a part of me.

Even as the world has kept going, as I've proudly watched JJ grow from a toddler to a little boy, as I've cherished my rainbow pregnancy, my heart still has a hole that was made the day Devon died. That hole will always be there, until we meet again. For now, though, I have his pictures, our memories together, and my love for him to keep me going on the tough days [like today].

So...here he is. Devon Alexander, born sleeping on August 19, 2012 at 5:30am. 5 pounds, 19.5 inches of pure perfection. I love you and miss you so much, sweet baby. In an hour, we'll light candles for you and for all of your angel friends - I hope you all can see them from Earth and feel the love your mommies, daddies, siblings, friends and family will always have for you.