I took a look at the book, read the inside jacket and cringed. I wasn't sure if I wanted to read what I thought was a self-help book on women in the workplace. But since my coworker had said the book was great, and she's never let me down with a book recommendation before, I bit the bullet and started reading it.
I started it yesterday morning during down times at work. I finished about 15 minutes ago. That's the fastest I've ever read a book that didn't have the words "Harry Potter" in the title.
This book wasn't a self-help book. Well, it kinda was. But it was about how women believe they are inferior in the workplace when they aren't, how they need to lean in all the way and get what they deserve instead of second-guessing everything. So much of that book spoke to me personally - as a working mom and as a working woman - that I just couldn't put the book down. I had to keep reading.
The author - who is the COO of Facebook - is an incredible woman. She worked her way up, working for the US Treasury Department and Google before coming to Facebook. She's also a working mom and wife, with two children and a husband at home. What she does is so demanding, but it has also allowed her to share so many insightful things that are great for both women AND men to know. I wish this book had come out when I was in college!
Her words spoke to me on a personal level because I could relate to so much of it. As a working mom myself - with a husband stationed in a different state for now, which means that I'm basically a single working mom - I have spent so much of my career doubting myself and my abilities. I always question if I should stay at home with JJ, if I should be a stay-at-home mom, if I'm too devoted to work and not him. I also question if I'm too devoted to him and not work, if I'm doing enough at work to make myself be seen as a working woman first and not a working mom [those are two totally different ways of thinking, btw]...basically, I just question. I question my role as a mom and my role as a worker. Once J and I are back together, I'll question my role as a wife, too. That's a lot of questions.
What Sandberg's book taught me is that it's natural to question all of those things - and it sucks that, even in today's society, working women still feel inferior and insecure. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in the whole "daycare or no daycare" debate, or the "I'm taking another sick day; will I get fired for this?" struggle that I have several times a year when JJ gets sick. I'm very fortunate to work in an amazing office environment with some great people [one of them is also a mom], but I still have those nagging thoughts in the back of my mind. I have definitely been made to feel like my job should come first in past experiences, and I really shouldn't have been made to feel that way.
Sandberg's book also taught me that it's OK to be a working mom and to go out for what you want. Women shouldn't sell themselves short just because they're mothers or are considering being mothers; with some help from spouses and possibly coworkers, there can be a good work/life balance. She talked about mommy guilt, about how she felt guilty for working and missing out on some aspects of her children's lives. I feel that way a lot, too. Every morning, I wage an internal war with myself when I drop JJ off at daycare. I've gotten a lot of negative feedback over the years about how I could possibly put my kid in daycare for 9 hours a day and "let someone else raise him". I was more than relieved to read in this book that research showed no differences in children who had stay-at-home parents vs. working parents and were in daycare. I wish I'd known about that when JJ was a year old and I got so much crap about letting him go to daycare all day long.
This book really opened my eyes to all of the struggles that women face in the workplace, and how it has led to so many women selling themselves short. There are many factors - uncompromising workplaces, male bosses not understanding, gender discrimination, women in senior positions having a "me, me, me" attitude instead of an "us, us, us" attitude - but mostly, it's just because working women have been made to feel inferior. For so long, their role was to stay at home and take care of the kids. Even though that's not the way this country functions anymore, the old ways of thinking still exist, which lead to women stopping short and not working their way to the top. Even though they're capable and qualified, they just don't.
This was an eye-opening read for me, and I feel like it's something all organizations should require their employees - both men and women - to read. This book motivated me to start studying for the GRE again so I can take the test and start on my master's. After becoming a mom, I wondered if I could make it all work...and I started selling myself short to make sure I wasn't overextending myself and taking time away from JJ. While he is still my main priority, I need to start rebuilding the confidence I had in myself back in college - that I can do anything I set my mind to, and I can do it well. I always felt like I had a target on my back because I was a working mom, but not anymore. I may not be able to do it all, but I can do most of it - and I've done a damn good job of doing it so far. I haven't given myself enough credit for what I've done the last five years, how I've handled myself, how I've bounced back from the deepest depths. I need to give myself credit, and I need to use that to further myself.
So thank you, Sheryl Sandberg. Thanks for writing this book and for having the balls to speak up about women inequality in the workplace and what needs to be done to stop it. Thanks for being a working mom in a senior leadership position and admitting that, while it's hard and you struggle with your decision to work after having children, you love your job and you love your kids - and it's OK to love both. Thanks for inspiring me to start leaning in again.
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