Another one? You sure?

My mind has been completely consumed with adding another baby to our family. J and I have really been talking about it the past couple of weeks and have pretty much decided to start TTC after he's done with basic training and tech school for the Air Force. I think he's ready, and a pretty big part of me is ready, too...but a small part of me [ok, a decent-sized part of me] isn't ready.

I love JJ. I love the time I have with just the two of us. Adding another baby to the mix will drastically cut our time down. And, if the first trimester of our second pregnancy is like the first tri was with him, I'll be sick and barely functioning. That's three months of time with my son that'll be out the window. I just feel like he's so little now - and still has so much exploring and learning to do as a 16-month-old, especially since he's behind a little bit due to all those ear infections his first year - that adding another baby will just throw things off.

But then, the rational part of me wants them to be close - no more than 2.5 years apart. People are already asking me when we're going to start trying again and when JJ will be a big brother. I JUST turned 24. I have plenty of time. And then there's the cynical part of me that isn't sure I can get pregnant again and is afraid of miscarriage.

All of these emotions are going through me right now about having another baby. The experience the first time around was a complete surprise...and I'm actually hoping that our next one is a big, fat surprise, too. All the pressure of TTC is already on my shoulders. I don't want to be one of those women who charts religiously [and that's not meant to offend my friends who are charting...they're not obsessive about it, by any means - but some women I know take it to the extreme], cries over a BFN and worries all the time about getting pregnant. I just want to toss the condoms [never been on bcp, ever] out the window and let nature take its course. I think for the first year, we'll do that and see what happens.

I think I'm just thinking about this too much. A lot of my friends on the boards and IRL are TTC or are already pregnant, and I put pressure on myself to join them - which is stupid, because I already have an amazing little boy. I'm blessed to be his mommy. And, if we're able to, I'll be blessed to be the mommy to another little one. Guess I just gotta take a deep breath and stop thinking about it so much. If it's meant to be, it will, right?