To my son. My 3-year-old son.

To my 3-year-old little man:

Are you really 3? Like, really? I feel like just yesterday we were bringing you home from the hospital, and now, you're in the middle of your toddler years. Good heavens.

This past year has been incredible. You have changed so much that the person you are now is a complete 180 from the person you were a year ago. I think this year has been the biggest change for you that I've seen in your short time on this planet, and it's been so much fun to witness.

Us right after your 2nd birthday - Dec. 2010

And us right before your 3rd birthday...Thanksgiving 2011

I know you may not be able to tell, but you have grown so much in between those two pictures. I think the last stats I have from your last doctor's visit is 33 pounds...no clue on the height, but I know you're more than 36 inches tall [Mommy should get a measurement, eh?]. You're so big!!

You are definitely your mother's son. Mainly because that's all I really watch, you love sports - especially basketball. You're a very big OKC Thunder fan and love wearing your Kevin Durant jersey and pajamas. However, you will watch any basketball game that's on, which is awesome. You loved going to OSU football games, but you started getting freaked out by the crowds after the second game of the season, so you mainly watched them at home with me or Grandma. Next year, though - I bet you'll want to watch. You're also a big fan of your basketball goal that you're getting ready to outgrow. Don't worry - Santa may bring you a new one this year. :)

You are a very big Elmo fan - we watch the same Elmo's World DVD [hands/ears/feet] multiple times a day...we've watched it so much that you know the songs, some of the words and where Elmo counts. You can count to ten easily and, on some days, will count to 15 without skipping a number. We're still working on 16-20, but we'll get there.

You're a big, big fan of music and dancing. You get that from your aunty and grandpa, that's for sure. Some of your favorite songs include Itsey Bitsey Spider, Patty Cake, the ABC song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and a couple of Hawaiian songs that your grandma has taught you. When a song with a good beat comes on, you start bopping around, no matter where we are. You have some incredible rhythm!

The Terrible Two's weren't terrible, but you definitely had an independent spirit [still do!]. You have a way of doing things and want to do everything by yourself [you're so much like your mommy in this respect that it's scary]. You are definitely a routine kiddo, also like your mommy. You love helping Mommy clean up, especially by helping vacuum and start the laundry. You also like helping me "fold clothes" [which basically means that you move everything from the dryer to the basket, then you dump the basket on the floor so you can sit in it] and put up dishes. Such a big, big helper!

We're still working on fully getting you potty trained, but I think we're getting there. You never like to sit still for long and are always moving around. You still like sitting in your high chair, even though you graduated to your own table and chairs months ago. You're a fan of art - you love to draw on the whiteboard your grandparents have for you at their house, and you enjoy coloring and writing on things with regular ink pens. You also like Play Doh, but you try to eat it - so we don't play with that as much as before. :)

Technology is a friend of yours. You love playing with my iPhone and turning on/off my laptop and iPad [you're so smart that you know the code to unlock my phone and your grandma's phone!]. You have a VTech eReader that you use every single day - you love the Elmo and Dora the Explorer cartridges, but you have others that you play with, too. You may be too smart for technology before too long - maybe you'll work with computers or something? That'd be awesome. :)

Your are using more and more words everyday, which is exciting. You're putting together full sentences and expressing yourself more, which makes this mommy super happy. But, you also love to mimic things and copy words - guess that's the best way to learn, right? You're very good at mimicking. :)

I can't believe all of these little paragraphs - and then some - make up the person that is you. You are such an amazing son, and I would never trade you for the world. I wish I could put into words just how incredible you are, but I can't. I am thankful for every moment, every giggle, every kiss that I get with you, and I'll never take it for granted. I'll always be your no. 1 fan, and I'll always be there as long as you need me. I love you so much baby bear. Happy 3rd Birthday.

How did my baby become a toddler?!

JJ is now 2 years and 4 months old. How in the world did my baby - the one I brought home from the hospital at two days old weighing 7 pounds - is now a nearly 2 1/2 year old, 30+ pound toddler? I don't know how time went by so fast...I mean, for most of my life, I've felt like life has trudged by. From the day I became a mom, it feels like time has gone faster and faster.

At this point in JJ's young life, he's growing by leaps and bounds. Now that he's got walking down, he's trying to run everywhere. He started using his words in the fall and, while not making full sentences yet, is learning new words everyday. That's made me watch my vocabulary even more than I did before because he will repeat EVERYTHING you say. The other day, he said 'crap' after I accidentally let it slip. That was the last time I let that one happen. It's exciting to see him learning and using words though...for the longest time, his ear issues made me think he'd be behind with his speech. Now, he's mumbling and using words all the time.

He's even learning his ABCs - his favorite book right now is Dr. Seuss' ABCs, and he's learning his letters and repeating the book back to me every time we read it. We've bought him toys beyond his age group to help him learn words and letters, and it seems to be working. He's learning how to untie and pull off his shoes, take on and off his clothes and brush his teeth. We're not potty training yet, but he's shown an interest in it. March was really, really crazy for us, so trying to potty train would have done us no good. Now that things are stable, I'll probably start potty training soon. I hope to have him completely potty trained by the time the next school year starts in August.

With him being my first child, everything is a new experience. Every action, ever word, every new thing he learns/does...it's all absolutely amazing to me. I just can't believe how much he's grown in two short years, how much he's changed. He still looks the same as the day he was born, but he's growing up right before my eyes. I love that little boy more and more every day, and he's taught me how to be more patient, more loving and more nurturing. A lot of days, I think that I don't deserve him. I thank God every day that I have a little man like JJ in my life - he makes it complete. I can't wait to see what kind of man he turns into as he grows up. Watching him get older will be bittersweet, but I will enjoy every moment of it.

Late-night blogging

I've got to stop blogging at 2am...but I always tend to fall asleep, get waken up by something JJ does in his sleep, then stay up for a little while. Ugh.

I get to add another to my list - I FINALLY used my crockpot yesterday!

I made beef stew for dinner, and it was SO good. I was terrified that I'd come home, find that I didn't put enough liquid in the crockpot and had consequently set my apartment on fire, but it was perfect! I was thrilled - and am now encouraged to use it more. I've fallen in love with it. :)

My mom read me the postcard I got from J on Monday. It sounds like it's a generic one, but I don't care. At least I got SOMETHING from him while he's gone. I've been really good at writing him everyday and sending letters to him three times a week...I don't expect to hear from him, but I hope he's getting the letters and taking in a little taste of home.

JJ's been super fitful lately. I'm pretty sure he's going through his Terrible Twos already - which isn't bad, since he's not a super bad kid. But he's into throwing things (especially when he's mad or doesn't need it anymore), isn't sleeping all that great, and he's been into throwing tantrums at the littlest thing. I'm not quite sure how to handle it just yet but try to be stern with him when he does something like that. I just don't know if it's getting to him that throwing things isn't nice. On a different note, he's catching on to things SUPER quick.

He knows that keys go into the door and the mailbox, that his comb goes through his hair, that his thermometer goes in his ear, that the water bottle is used to wet his hair in the morning, that DVDs and books go on the shelf...it's amazing how fast he's picking up on things. He's not really saying words yet (which is worrying me, since he turned 17 months yesterday), but he's babbling away and finding ways to communicate to me what he needs. He doesn't have any other developmental delays, and he was a late walker...so I'm thinking that he's a little behind because of all his ear infections. Regardless, I'll definitely be asking about it at his 18-month appointment in June, and we'll see an ear specialist if the need arises.

I'm hanging in there right now. I miss J - especially with Mother's Day coming up - but the separation hasn't been nearly as bad as I thought it would. It's been really easy to keep busy with JJ around, and J's already been gone a week (and it was a fast week). Work's been slow this week, but with the end of the year coming up (last day is friday), we'll be busy with grade checks and such next week. I had my first performance review at work today and did very well, which was surprising and encouraging. I hope to continue to do well at my job. I'm nervous about freshman enrollment, but I've got great co-workers who have been extremely helpful already. It's nice to be in an environment that's so open and supportive.

I should probably get back to bed. Before I do, I'd like to say that the recent death of a Virginia lacrosse player by a fellow player makes me sick. I can't imagine what that girl felt during her last moments, and I can't imagine what would possess the guy to do something like that. I'm trying very hard not to pass judgement against this guy, but it's so hard when the facts are slowly coming out. I just hope everyone involved finds peace and that the entire truth comes out.

Oh yeah. And Finals Week always makes me glad that I'm not in college anymore. But I'm REALLY starting to miss it...

May already?!

I honestly have no idea where the time's gone. I can't believe it's already May 3rd. Pretty soon, it'll be July 4th, then the start of football season, then the holidays...time just keeps flying by.

I added a couple of more things to my list. I finished another book - I'm on a roll! The book's called "The Book of Awesome" by Neil Pasricha.

The book is a list of things that makes you go "Awesome!" I could barely put the book down - it was amazing and always brought a smile to my face. I know I'll be bustin' that book out when I have a bad day and need a smile. He even has a website with more awesomeness.

I also had dinner with two of my best friends from Tulsa on Saturday. Tim and Amanda are two people I met my sophomore year of college. We took financial accounting together, struggled through it, and we've been friends ever since. I was there when they got engaged, in their wedding and have been close to them for more than four years. I adore them and always love when I get to spend time with them. We split a plate of cheese fries at Joe's, had chocolate at Rocky Mountain and talked for literally hours. I'm going to see them in June for a weekend - and I can't wait! I had a blast!

I haven't heard from J yet, besides the phone call the first day of basic. I've written him every day that he's been gone - it's more of an update on our lives than anything else. I'm anxious to hear from him but try not to think about it since I know he probably won't be able to call for a few more weeks. I miss him. A lot. But I just hope he is doing what he needs to and keeping his head on straight.

The weather's been gorgeous the past few days - and it should hold for a bit. Mother's Day is this upcoming Sunday, and I'm looking forward to hanging out at home, giving my mom her gifts and taking JJ for a walk around the block. He's been quite the handful to deal with lately - I think his Terrible Twos have struck early. He's not TOO bad...he just definitely has a temper on him. He throws things when he's upset or doesn't need them, kicks around when he's upset - it's kinda funny to watch my mom with him when he pitches a mini fit, because all she says is, "You and your sister weren't like this. I'm not used to this." Baha. I have nothing to go off of, so I just roll with it and am stern with him when I need to be stern. I hope he outgrows this soon...

Anyway. It's late, and I'm gonna try my hand at the crockpot in the morning. We'll see how this goes!

Truckin' along.

So the last couple of days with J being in basic really haven't been that bad. I got my phone call the first night he was there [totally wasn't expecting it until later this week or even next week] - he spit his address at me, told me he loved me and hung up. I hope I got it right...I've already written him a letter for every day he's been gone. Yeah, it may be overkill, but it mostly talks about JJ and sports: our two fave topics.

Of course I miss him, but I'm just ready to see him again. Time's going by at a decent clip, too - I mean, this weekend is the first day of May already. Four months of the year are already gone. OSU graduation is next weekend. Before I know it, J will be done, we'll get our first duty station, and JJ will be two. I'm pretty sure time's been flying by faster the older I've gotten.

I got a new book earlier this week that I can't put down. It's called "The Book of Awesome," and it's a spin-off of a blog this guy wrote about things that make you go "Awesome!" This book is SO fun, and each item puts a smile on my face and has me in total agreement. The list isn't numbered, so I'm not sure how many he lists in the book or how many more I have to read...but I'm about 3/4 of the way done and love it. This'll be a book I bust out every now and then for a good smile. Oh, and I found out that I can check out books from the on-campus library, so that's where I'll be headed this weekend. I have a couple of books in mind I want to read right away...including Emily Giffin's books that I haven't read yet. Maybe I can drop by tomorrow during lunch...

Started looking at other daycare options, since we've had some issues with where he's at now...but none of them are as good or exprienced as where he's at now. This whole stay-at-home mom thing is really starting to sound good, but we need both our salaries [for now] to make ends meet. One day, it'll all work out.

It's late, and I'm finally getting tired again. Time to toss the clothes in the dryer, finish dishes and head to bed with little man. Game Six of the Thunder-Lakers series is tonight...can't wait! THUNDER UP!

My little boy.

I've been debating about writing this blog for a little while because I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to dive into something as personal as my child. But...I'm going to do it. This is gonna be long, trust me.

It was my 22nd birthday - March 28, 2008 - when I figured out that I was pregnant with JJ. Call it maternal instinct, but I wasn't late yet and just KNEW I was pregnant. I didn't take a test to confirm until more than a week later...one, because I didn't trust a pregnancy test when I was only a few days late, and two, because I didn't want to know what my body already knew. I was 22, engaged to J for only four months and finishing my senior year of college. I wasn't married, had no money saved, didn't have a full-time job and had planned on grad school...I didn't know what I was going to do, honestly, and lost A LOT of sleep over it.

I had always imagined finding some cutesy way to tell J that we were expecting...but when you're as lost as I was when I found out I was pregnant, all that goes out the window. At the time, I was still at OSU, and he was still in our hometown. I'd dropped hints the week I took the test that I thought I might be, but I already knew and didn't tell him. When I saw him for the first time after I found out, I was so emotional and upset that I told him to drive to Wal-Mart and didn't say why. I walked straight to the prenatal vitamins, told him I'd be needing them because I was pregnant, then walked off. Yeah. What a way to drop it on a guy. I knew he wouldn't bolt, but I wouldn't have blamed him if he did. Telling my mom was even less glamorous - I blurted it out on the phone four days before graduation. She didn't talk to me until graduation, and I still have no idea how she told my dad - he was serving overseas at the time. Don't think I want to know.

From the very beginning, I never even thought about adoption or...other alternatives. I wanted this baby more than anything, and I knew I was going to get through it and find a way to make it all work. For the first few weeks, the whole thing was completely surreal. I couldn't imagine that I had something growing inside me. Even after the blood test confirmed, even after I started having food aversions and all-day sickness...I just couldn't believe it. Not until I heard his heartbeat at nine weeks did I know that it was real. I cried - a lot - at that point. I think I was more afraid of what people thought of me - ya know, the superstar high school and college girl who got knocked up and wasn't even married - than the fact that I was carrying the most incredible miracle. I'm trying not to regret that.

Once the shock wore off, the sickness set in. For four months, I was sick as a dog. It was a blessing in disguise that I didn't have a job straight out of college, because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have made it to work every day. I was super nauseous all day, and it got worse at night. I remember spending most of my nights from four weeks until 20 weeks asleep. I didn't want to do anything. I couldn't eat anything. During finals week, I went and ate BBQ because I was craving it. An hour later, it all came back up...and it took a year to want it again. Right around the time we had our ultrasound to find out if the baby was a he or a she, the morning sickness faded away. Thank the good heavens.

We found out that July that we were having a boy. I was even more shocked. I had only really dealt with girls; how was I supposed to raise a son?! I was thrilled though, because I had always thought I'd be destined to have girls since my mom had all girls. We got another surprise that same week - I was hired back at OSU to be an admissions counselor. J and I struggled and prayed about it - for crying out loud, I'd just moved back to be with him, and we were separated again - but in the end, I moved back to Stillwater. My sister was getting ready to start her senior year, so we moved in together. She ended up being my rock for the last few months of my pregnancy and first few months of JJ's life.

When I moved back to Stillwater, life became a blur. I was so busy with work that I was always moving. I was also getting huge. I had lost weight my first trimester because of my food aversions, but I put it all back on - and then some - my last two trimesters. I gained 40 pounds when I was pregnant with JJ...that number still shocks me to this day. However, the last few months were amazing. Fall settled in, and I felt great. JJ was measuring right on track, we were both healthy, and I was starting to get really excited about having him. I had a great support system in J and my family, and together, we made it through. It takes a village, after all.

The last couple of weeks were rough. My blood pressure went up, and I was pretty much put on bedrest. Only problem was, the Tuesday I was put on bedrest was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving AND the Tuesday before the Bedlam game...um, bad mix for me. I still went Black Friday shopping, but I skipped watching the game. The following Monday, I went back to my doc. My blood pressure was still high, so I was scheduled for an induction that Thursday - December 4, 2008, two days before his due date. That's when I started to panic. I'd heard so many horror stories about being induced that I didn't sleep at all for the last three days before I become a mom. The night before, J came up to be with me; the next morning, we drove to the hospital together and set on our new adventure.

My labor and delivery went A LOT better than I thought they would. I was induced at 8:30, felt my first contraction at 9:00, and I labored for 12 hours. Although I have a huge fear of needles, I got the epidural at 1:30 that afternoon and made it through without a hitch. I was able to sleep most of the afternoon because my labor just wasn't progressing, but by the time 6:30 rolled around, things were moving fast. I went from 1 to 4 in a short amount of time but was stuck there for hours. At 6:30, I was 5.5; by 8:30, I was at 10. They're not kidding when they say you know when it's time...I definitely knew it. I have a low pain tolerance, but I managed to breathe through it all [my epdiural had started to wear off] and keep my calm. I counted the squares in the curtains of the L&D room to keep myself sane...I'd been doing times tables for awhile, but that didn't last long. I started pushing at 8:40, and JJ was born at 9:03 p.m., a healthy 7 pounds even and 20.5 inches long. I had been prepared to turn him right over after he was born, but I actually got to hold him and cuddle for a few minutes before he was cleaned up. Those first few moments changed my life.

From the second he was born, everything was different...different from the better. I became a pro at changing diapers, washing clothes and balancing the budget to make sure we could cover everything. JJ has never gone without anything, and I'm so proud of that. The one thing I do regret is that I wasn't able to breastfeed. We lasted a week before his weight started to drop, and the breast milk just wasn't enough. I don't think I tried hard enough to breastfeed him...and although he's flourished, I wish I could've done it and had stuck with it. Next time, I will.

Now, JJ is a happy and healthy 15-month-old. We've had quite our share of ear infections, medical issues [asthma and projectile vomiting amongst them] and accidents, but he has been the most amazing blessing in my life. He's made my life better, and I will always be grateful that I got the chance to be his mommy. I look forward to many, many years of happiness, love and laughs with my little man.

Man. Time for an update.

I've been MIA for a few days...mainly because my computer crashed [lovely], and the past week's been pretty crazy for me. So. Here's a recap.

After screaming that my child needs tubes since October, I finally convinced my doctor in December that he needs them. We made an appointment for tubes a couple of weeks ago, and his new specialist said that JJ needs tubes now. We got him scheduled for surgery this past week, and he got the tubes in. He was such a good little guy...he was cranky and sleepy after it was all over, but the whole thing took 10 minutes, and he did such a good job. He's already a different little boy...he's picking up on words and is already getting his balance back. I'm so thrilled that he has them in...maybe we can finally stop struggling with ear infections. I'll have to post some pics I took of him at the surgery clinic. He's adorable in a hospital gown. :)

And now, to some of the biggest news of all...I have a new job! Starting in a couple of weeks, I'll be an academic advisor for the Honors College. This whole thing came up super fast...I went from applicant to hired in the course of a week. Literally. I'm really sad to be leaving my old job behind, but I'm excited about this new opportunity and to be working for a part of campus that was so important to me during my undergraduate career. I'm still kinda taking it in...I didn't think this whole process would move so fast, and my mind's spinning right now. But, don't get me wrong - I'm super excited.

With the way the past couple of weeks have gone, I haven't actively been working on my list...but that'll come to an end this weekend. Now that I'll have more time to myself, I'll be able to take care of more things, read more books, start scrapbooking etc. I'm so excited about the future and what the rest of 2010 will bring! I'm hoping the rest of the year goes as well as the past two weeks have gone.

That's about all I've got. I'm gonna go back to playing Wii Fit Plus - J got it for me last week, and we've been playing it off and on all day. It's really fun! Yoga kicked my butt though...oh my gosh.

JJ the Walker.

I'll post another update in a few minutes, but I wanted to get this in first. Introducting...JJ the Walker. :)