In just a few short hours, it will be two years since you became my sweet angel and I met you for the first time. Even though August 19th is always such a hard day for me, it's also a joyous day - because it's the day I finally got to meet you, hold you, kiss you. I can't believe it's been two whole years.
I wonder what you look like now. I imagine that you have lots of curly hair (like your big brother) and big, beautiful eyes (like your little sister). You were very chill in the womb, so I imagine that you are still like that - calm, but happy, and curious. I hope that you have met many of the boys and girls whose parents have now become my friends, that you all share a special bond as you watch over the mommies and daddies that miss you so much.
I hope you know that I miss you every second that I breathe. From the second I knew that you were no longer with me, I have missed you. I have thought of you every second of every day - even when I'm busy or seems like I've forgotten about you, trust me. I have not. You will always be a special part of me, and my heart will always be missing the piece that you took to heaven with you.
It is still hard for me to fathom that I will only have pictures of you until my life on this earth is through. It is still hard for me to fathom that I will never see your eyes, never hear your laugh, never see you smile. But when I think of all the things I will never get with you, I think of this: you will never know pain. You will only know joy, and my love, and my heartbeat - and that is enough to hold me over until I get to see you again.
I will cry today - a lot. And I will take the time to shower you with love, and blow out a candle on a cupcake for you (a number 2, of course). I just hope that you can feel my love, that you can feel my kisses and hugs, that I can show you that I am happy - even with the sadness I feel that you are not in my arms. Because I am happy. I am happy that you were with me for 34.5 weeks. I am happy that I got to hold you, meet you, say goodbye. I am happy that you are my son.
I hope that you're having this amazing party up there, one that is beyond what I could even imagine. I hope you love chocolate cake like your mommy, and that you are celebrating with all of the people who left before me - your paternal grandfather, your great-grandparents, your great-uncle, and others that love you and are hopefully providing the amazing life for you that I cannot. I live for you, I love you, and I will forever miss you. Happy Birthday, my sweet baby boy.
Mommy
