Three.

My dear, sweet Devon,

Happy Third Birthday in the heavens, my baby boy! I cannot believe it's been three years since you came into this world sleeping, your sweet face and head full of hair putting a very tearful smile on my face. Even though it took a few hours for Mommy to hold you for the first time, I hope you know that I will never, ever forget the first time I laid eyes on you. You were so beautiful, and I'm sure you still are!

Goodness. Three. When I really stop and think about it, I can't believe it's been that long since you came and went so peacefully. I am trying very hard not to be sad, but the truth is, I'm still more than heartbroken that you are in heaven and not with me. I know that you are in great company up there and that there is no better place you could be...but still. I will always (selfishly) wish that you were here with me.

I imagine that, like your brother and sister, you are a very active little boy - almost out of your toddler years! You must still have all that hair, along with the same green eyes that your big brother grew into. Even though I never got to see you open your eyes, I dream of you with green eyes. How is it up there? Are there lots of fluffy clouds for you to bounce around on, lots of cool hiding places for you and your friends to play Hide and Seek with? I hope you get to have a big slice of chocolate cake with all of your angel friends that you've met and befriended up there, along with all of the family members who, I'm sure, are doing such an amazing job raising you. Be sure to give all of them a big hug and kiss from your mommy.

I tried really hard not to cry as I write this, but I'm totally crying now. I just miss you so much, Devon. I feel like I've written the same type of letter over and over again, but I'm just writing what I feel in my heart. A piece of me will always be with you, and I pray that you do not forget me during the time that we are separated - because I will never forget you. Your very brief life had such a huge impact on my own, even after three years.

I am so grateful for you, for the joy you brought me for those few short months that I got to have you with me on the inside, for the love I was able to share with you before you went to heaven. I hope you remember my heart beat, my voice, my touch, and that they are a part of you until you and I can be together again.

I miss you every second of every day. That will never change. But today, I will remember you with all the love and smiles I can possibly muster, because your memory deserves that. Later on, I will drop your big brother off to first grade (can you believe it?!), and I will drop your sister off to daycare. Then I will come home and make your cupcakes. Tonight, your brother, sister, and I will sing you Happy Birthday and blow out your candle, and I will surely cry as we all share the cupcakes that I so desperately wish you were eating with us. I hope that you're watching over us as sing to you, that you can hear us all the way up there, and that you can feel the endless love that we have for you.

Happy Three, my sweet baby boy. I love you more than I will ever be able to put into words, and I hope you have the most amazing birthday in heaven. You deserve that, and so much more.

Mommy <3 p="">