Man. Is it seriously the holiday season already? Christmas is like, 12 days away, and the year is quickly coming to a close. I'll do one of those "this is what happened in 2011 that made it awesome and not-so-awesome" posts after Christmas, but for now, we'll focus on Christmas.
My best friend and I were talking today about random holiday ramblings [our failure as wives - and women - because we can't wrap presents, how we don't know what to get our husbands etc.], and during that conversation, I came up with a list of holiday bylaws. Now, I'm not saying you have to follow these - they're my own that I made up, after all [and if you're listening to anything i say and am taking it seriously, i'm seriously impressed]. I do, however, ask that you consider them as you read my made-up list of bylaws for the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's season, in no particular order:
1.
It’s OK to cuss out one present while wrapping gifts - two if you're really feeling like things aren't going your way. If you do that to a third, you might want to consider paying someone to wrap for you.
2. Dec. 13 [which is today!] is National Hot Cocoa Day. Take advantage [and, if it fits your fancy, spike it with a little somethin’ extra].
3. NO CHRISTMAS MUSIC BEFORE THANKSGIVING. Show Thanksgiving some respect yo.
4. Do not leave your decorations up past the end of January. That includes outdoor Christmas lights. No matter where you live, they are not meant to be left up all year. You got them up there; now stop being lazy and take them down.
5. Before you take your family Christmas photo, please refer to Awkward Family Photos. That will tell you what NOT to do. Or just think of it this way: if you're going to look back on it a day, 10 days, 10 years from now and wonder what the eff you were thinking...don't do it.
2. Dec. 13 [which is today!] is National Hot Cocoa Day. Take advantage [and, if it fits your fancy, spike it with a little somethin’ extra].
3. NO CHRISTMAS MUSIC BEFORE THANKSGIVING. Show Thanksgiving some respect yo.
4. Do not leave your decorations up past the end of January. That includes outdoor Christmas lights. No matter where you live, they are not meant to be left up all year. You got them up there; now stop being lazy and take them down.
5. Before you take your family Christmas photo, please refer to Awkward Family Photos. That will tell you what NOT to do. Or just think of it this way: if you're going to look back on it a day, 10 days, 10 years from now and wonder what the eff you were thinking...don't do it.
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| Just one example - many more on the site. Don't.Do.It. |
6. Wrap your gifts please. This is literally the one time a year you have to wrap gifts [most people I know just stick birthday gifts in gift bags, so even that important of a day doesn’t get proper wrap respect]...so whether you pay someone or do it yourself, wrap it. Wrap it good.
7. If you’re going to do holiday baking, be sure not to overindulge. It’s so easy to take a cookie dough spoonful here, a scone there, a cupcake here, a sugar cookie there...and then you wonder why you’ve gained 10 pounds by the time it’s all said and done. Just watch it.
8. When people ask you what you want for Christmas, TELL THEM. Or at least point them in the direction of your Amazon wish list. Otherwise, don’t bitch when you shrug your shoulders and they get you Spongebob shot glasses. Or one of those singing fish plaques.
9. It’s perfectly acceptable to watch Christmas movies meant for those 10 and younger - you never outgrow those [think: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman]. What’s not acceptable is kids watching Christmas movies meant for adults - they're definitely too young for that [think: Bad Santa and A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas].
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| This will never get old - and is safe for all ages. Some other holidays movies...not so much. |
10. On the same token of the gift giving, listen to people when they tell you what they want. More likely than not, they really want that gift. You could be exiled to the doghouse/naughty list/bad friend list if you don’t. Fair warning.
11. Don’t try to be all cute and wear cheerleading shorts with some Ugg boots and a college hoodie when its 30 degrees below zero outside. Put some clothes on. Frostbite is not worth trying to impress someone.
12. College football bowl season lands during the holidays. Cut your favorite college football fan some slack and let them watch some bowl games. Even if it’s the Crispy Chicken Wrap Bowl, let ‘em go - this is the last of college football until September. That’s a long time - trust me.
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| Couldn't resist reppin' my school, who's Fiesta Bowl bound. I WILL be watching. Try and stop me. |
13. Don’t set New Year’s resolutions if you’re going to give up on them on January 2nd. At least make a half-ass attempt at them before throwing them in the trash.
14. Have a DD if you’re going to go out and party hard on New Year’s Eve. You don’t want to ring in 2012 in a jail cell with people who might try to sleep with you or eat you, do you?
15. Don't be a Grinch, Scrooge or whatever [out loud, at least]. It's the holiday season, and a majority of people actually enjoy this time of year. If you don't, keep your mouth shut and put on a smile so you don't ruin their holiday spirit. And attend their holiday parties - at least you'll get food and decent company [hopefully].
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| Don't be this guy. |
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