In a funk.

No update on the 101 in 1001...this is just going to be a rant/vent blog.

I'm in this huge funk right now - borderline depression at this point - and it came out of nowhere. I have no idea where it came from, but I hate it.

My little man is about to turn one in less than two weeks, and I am so blessed to have him in my life.  but then, I read about other's struggles to get pregnant and how they've lost babies, and it makes me wonder why my pregnancy was so easy. Why I'm the one who got the healthy, happy baby boy. Why it was so easy for us to get pregnant. I can't imagine being told that I've lost my child, or being told that I have to deliver my child because he/she is very sick and won't make it. As a mom, I already go into emotional distress every time my son is sick or is upset, and I comfort him as much as I can...but being able to not have those moments would kill me. Those moms who have lost little ones are the strongest women I know.

Work has been super stressful, and I just want to take a vacation and get away from all of this. I've worked the last four weekends, have been nonstop for weeks now, and I haven't even been home in five weeks. Granted, the past four weeks have flown by, but that doesn't stop me from feeling overwhelmed and distressed about how this year's going. I feel like I'm going to cave at any moment, but I can't let myself get that far. I just can't.

It just seems like everything around me is falling apart right now...and I'm usually good at catching all the pieces, but I can't do it this time. And I don't know what to do to keep it all together, because I don't know if I can. the only thing I can do is regroup, refocus and pray I make it to Christmas break in one piece. I'm just feeling all these pressures from other places, and I can't keep it all together right now. If I could, I'd sleep the next six weeks away and wake up in 2010...maybe next year will be a better year than this year has been.

OK. I'm done.