If you really knew me...

The other night, I was watching "If You Really Knew Me" on MTV. The program went to PC West in OKC and was pretty much a cleansing intervention for their senior class. Watching it made me wonder just what would've happened at my high school if a program like that had happened during my senior year. It's been six years since I graduated, but high school is high school. The types of people, cliques and issues stay the same across the generations.

Then, it got me thinking about what I was like in high school, the barriers I put up and the person I really was back then. If you really knew me back then...

You'd know that I really, really liked school. I wasn't a suck up or a goody two-shoes; I just enjoyed school. I enjoyed learning, enjoying being in class - but that didn't mean I wanted to be buddy buddy with my teachers. That's just the type of person I was - and still am. You'd know that I really did want to be a social person, but my mom had a strong hold on me and wouldn't let me be as free as I wanted.

If you really knew me back then, you'd know that I was NOT a lesbian. There's nothing wrong with that, obviously, but the fact that people spread rumors that I was because I didn't date guys hurt like hell. My religion - and family rules - wouldn't let me date until I was 16. Even after that point, no guy caught my attention enough for me to want to commit. Obviously, I'm happily married now (to a black guy, surprise surprise) with an adorable little man - bet you didn't see that coming when we were in high school, huh? You'd also know that all the crap people talked about me behind my back really, really hurt. I wish you'd had the balls to say it to my face, because it sucked. Big time. It took me awhile to ignore all the crap and move on from the negativity - I don't think I fully moved on from all the hurtful crap I went through until I got to college and moved away.

If you really knew me back then, you'd realize that my family and I were close because my parents refused to let our Army way of life get in the way. There was nothing wrong with my family; we just had a stronger relationship than most of you had with your families. You'd know that I was the way that I was to block everything out. It was the closest to my true self you'd see, and it helped keep my confidence intact while I was in public. You'd know that I continued to run for office because I wanted to make a difference, not because I wanted to be popular. If you'd taken the chance to know me, you'd know that. But you didn't.

The person I was in high school is definitely not the person I am now. I don't even recognize the person I used to be. Now, I'm more confident, more secure, more open with myself and with others. I'm less stressed about things and more willing to let change come into my life. I don't need to be a social bug to be happy, and I definitely don't need to be someone else to be happy with my life. I love my job, love my husband, love my son and love the way my life has turned out. I'm excited about being an Air Force wife, hella excited about Colorado, and I think I've finally gotten to the point where I can forget all that crap I went through growing up. At my 10-year high school reunion, I can't wait to show up and show everyone that I'm not the person I used to be - I'm better.

Oh, if you really knew me back then...