WMW: Words of advice for new mamas

My first big kid job came around when I was four months pregnant [we had literally just found out we were having a boy when I started working at my former job]. Maternity leave was the last thing on my mind - I needed to work, we needed the money, and I never considered maternity leave until a month or two after I started working. I - in my naive mommy-to-be state of mind - thought it'd be easy to go back to work after maternity leave.

Boy was I wrong.

It's true when they say you don't know unconditional love until you have kids. From the moment JJ entered the world, I was a completely changed woman. Going back to work after seven weeks of maternity leave was the hardest thing I ever did...it took me months to get adjusted to being a working [mostly single] mom. Now that I can look back on it, here's my advice for those new moms or moms-to-be worried about going back to work:

1. Don't be. If you have a great babysitter/daycare/stay-at-home grandparent or spouse, your baby will be fine. He/she won't remember that you weren't there at all times of the day. I know it'll be hard, but if your baby's in good hands, everything will be golden.

2. Start adjusting before you go back to work. About a week before I went back, I started figuring out our routine and had the hang of it before I went back. Made the adjustment a little easier.

3. Find a balance. At my old job, I was a recruiter - so I was on the road all the time. I'm one of those people who pushes the negative things [such as separation] out of my mind to keep going, so I tried not to think about how many days I spent away from my child during his first year. But by the time he was about 9 months old, I couldn't do it anymore and had to find a new job that kept me near him. Best decision I ever made in terms of my professional career as a mommy.

4. Don't be so hard on yourself. The first year went by in a blur, but I remember lots of nights crying because I felt guilty about working, because I missed my son, because I felt like I wasn't doing enough at my job...I was a hot mess [hormones didn't help, either]. Now that I'm in a less stressful job situation, I realize that I was being too hard on myself. You don't need to be perfect at everything to get the job done - you just need to remember that you can do it. Take it easy, take it slow, and everything will work out.

5. Time management is your friend. I was horrible at time management at first - all I wanted to do was cuddle with little man, then sleep. But, there are other things that need to be done - cleaning, cooking etc. Starting to get that routine down early will help make raising your little one easier. Now that JJ is 2 and needs dinner every night [and not baby food], our routine has changed - for him, at least. I was doing all the same things I do now when he was a baby, but he was usually asleep or in his jumper while I was doing it. Now, I just incorporate him into it, and nothing's changed for me. I need structure in my life to stay sane, so having the same structure for quite some time now has been nice.

6. Take help if you need it. My sister lived with me the first six months of JJ's life [and on/off for three more until she found her first big kid job and moved], and it was SO great to have that help. Other friends offered to make dinner, babysit, give me some time to myself...especially being a mostly single mother, that help was so great to have. If you need help, take it - it'll make your life so much easier. Don't feel guilty about it, either - just because we're moms doesn't mean we don't need some quiet time.

7. Speaking of quiet time, make time for yourself. Set aside an hour a night [or at least 30 minutes] to read, write in a journal, knit, watch a favorite TV program...something to create a special time for yourself. I never realized how important it is to have this time to yourself until after I had JJ...you take it for granted before kids. I did, at least.

8. Make yourself feel pretty. As your body adjusts to not being pregnant anymore, I know it can be hard to look at yourself in the mirror every day. But, I forced myself to do it and found one thing about myself every day that I liked. Start working out again, get your hair done, buy some new clothes that will fit your shape as it adjusts - don't give up on yourself because you don't feel pretty. You are.

That's all I got for now, but I think I've rambled on enough. Bottom line is, being a working mom isn't easy - but you can do it. :)