Anyway. On to my update for Capture Your Grief.
Day Seven, October 7th: What to Say
Ya know, I've been told so many positive things since my loss that I've honestly lost count. I think the one of the things that I will always remember was said to me by J's uncle: "Life doesn't stop." And he was right. Life doesn't stop. I have to keep living, have to keep moving, in Devon's memory. I have a husband, son and family that need me. He will always be a part of me, but life doesn't stop with him. Life will go on.
Day Eight, October 8th: Jewelry
I have two necklaces for Devon. I bought the first within days of my loss and never take it off unless I'm taking a shower. I ordered it from Metal Stamped Memories, and this necklace has Devon's birthstone on the chain and his name engraved on the back.
My best friend/Devon's godmother got this made for me soon after I lost him, too. It's absolutely beautiful and a reminder that others will remember Devon, will always remember Devon.
Day Nine, October 9th: Special Place
I don't really have a special place that I go to to reflect, to think, to clear my head. Now right now, at least. I hid out in my parents' house for six weeks and made that my save haven. Maybe one day, I'll find a place that reminds me of the happiness I felt when I was pregnant with Devon, that will bring me the peace I so long to find since losing him. One day.
Day Ten, October 10th: Symbol
This teddy bear was given to me by the hospital where Devon was delivered. It was in the pictures the hospital took of him, and they gave it to me hours after he was born sleeping. When you press its tummy, it says The Lord's Prayer in a child's voice, something that will probably always make me cry. This bear is so precious to me because it's one of the few things that my son ever touched, one of the few things I brought home from the hospital instead of Devon. Since getting that teddy bear, I've received two more teddy bears - one from a group of great friends, and another from my mom. I think teddy bears will always remind me of Devon, specifically because of the one I brought home instead of him.
Day Eleven, October 11: Supportive Friends/Family
I've had SO many people in my life the last few weeks who have been there for me, and I'm so grateful for them. From my Pizazz girls to the Oklahoma Nesties, from my coworkers to old family friends, the amount of love and support I've received since I found out Devon was gone has just astounded me. the most supportive people, however, are in the picture below - my husband, sister, mom and son. My dad, who took the picture, is also included in that group. They were there for everything, have always been there for me, and will continue to be there. I am so grateful to have such an amazing family, a family that will help keep me strong and keep Devon's memory alive.
Day Twelve, October 12: Scents
You can't really take a picture of it, but the smell of rain reminds me of Devon. I remember the few mornings we had rain in the air when I was pregnant with him, I would take an extra second to take a deep breath and share that moment of quiet with him. He was born sleeping on a rainy Sunday morning. I think the fresh scent of rain, of the water cleansing the Earth, will always remind me of Devon and the sweet, silent moments we used to share when we were one.
Day Thirteen, October 13: Signs
I haven't really had any signs. I do believe, however, that he is my angel that is looking out for us. I've had a couple of near misses with car accidents recently, and I've just felt like he was there, taking control of the wheel to avoid a car suddenly switching lanes or braking out of the blue. I hope that one day, I will see a sign from him. For now, I just take comfort in that I feel like he's watching over me.
So, there ya go. Days 7-13 of the project. As a side note, October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and I will be lighting a candle at 7pm CST in honor of my angel. If you would like to join me in lighting a candle for Devon, know someone who has an angel as well, or if you yourself have an angel, please feel free to light a candle at 7pm local time to remember all of our precious losses. If you're friends with me on Facebook, take a picture and post it on my wall, and tell me who you're remembering as your candle joins others shining brightly in honor of those we will one day hold again - just not today.
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