Newtown.

In my 26 years on this planet, a lot has happened. I don't remember the Berlin Wall coming down but heard stories from my parents. I barely remember the Gulf War, but because I grew up military, it was definitely talked about. I was barely 9 - and had only lived in Oklahoma for 8 months - when the OKC bombing happened. That's the first "bad" thing where I can remember where I was when it happened, and I hoped that would be the only "bad" thing.

Then 9/11 happened. I definitely remember where I was when that happened. Remember watching the media coverage, hearing the stories, being terrified that my dad would be sent to Iraq to fight. He wasn't ever sent to war, but I always had that nagging feeling that he would be until the day he retired.

I remember the early days of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Life went on around that, but it was always a black cloud hanging over people. I hoped that would be the worst I'd have to witness, but then we started having shootings.

Columbine. Fort Hood. Arizona. Omaha. Aurora. Northern Illinois. Virginia Tech.

There are others I haven't even mentioned but, if I heard of the circumstances, would probably remember. I remember all of those places, all of those shootings - especially Virginia Tech, because it changed the landscape of security at Oklahoma State and other colleges/universities [I was an undergrad when that shooting happened].

But none - NONE - will affect me like Newtown has.

I remember reading my Twitter feed, seeing flashes of "shooting in Connecticut" and thinking, "Geez. Not another one." But this wasn't just "another one". This one took the lives of 26 people, 20 of them children. CHILDREN. They were only 2-3 years older than JJ. I had to quit watching the news, reading the stories, seeing the pictures as the true horror of that event unfolded. I couldn't imagine someone wanting to take the lives of such innocent people, especially those children.

It made me question things. How does something like this happen? Could it have been prevented? Holy crap, my kid will be in school full-time next year, should I homeschool him? I don't even want to get into a gun debate, because this situation isn't about that - this is about a small New England town that unexpectedly had to bury 26 of its own. A small New England town that will always live in the infamous spotlight - "Do you remember Newtown?" "Man, has it been that long since Newtown?" People will whisper for awhile, just like they used to whisper when Oklahoma City was mentioned in the days, weeks, months after the bombing.

My heart breaks for those parents who had to bury their children. My situation is different, but the outcome is the same. We fall into a special category no one wants to be a part of: burying our children before it's their time. Again, I am not saying that losing Devon is the same as what they went through, but I can empathize. Those 20 precious lives had such promise, such hope, had the whole world to explore - and a selfish act cut all that too short. I'm not a deeply religious person, but I have to have faith that something good will come out of this, because when you experience such a deep loss, there just has to be something to hold on to.

I won't lie - I'm terrified that this could happen to my own son [and any other children we have, Lord willing]. I'm glad that the school system here is putting security measures in place, and that JJ's daycare has already stepped up its security [need a code to get in, doing some things to their building to make it safer etc.]. But I hate that I have to question if that will be enough - if anything will ever be enough.

I wish there was a magic eraser that could just wipe this whole thing away - but there isn't. The parents, family, friends of those who were lost a week ago will have to spend the rest of their lives grieving for their loved ones, and nothing will take away that hurt. The pain will lessen, but there will always be an ache. I send them my love, thoughts, prayers and hope that one day, they can move forward. You have an entire nation behind you, Newtown - I hope you can feel our love and thoughts from across the miles.