Keeping it up. [and an update]

We are now 10 days into the new year [seriously? this year is already starting to fly], and the fitness progress has been positive. I'm not sure I've stuck with an exercise goal for this long...well...ever. Even when I played volleyball in high school, I only did what I had to in order to stick to the team [which means I could've been so much better if I'd put in more effort...ah well]. But I am bound and determined to make this year the best year I can, which means focusing on me and my health. So far, so good.

I have been taking my multivitamin just about every day - I think I've only missed one or two days, maybe. I've also been diligent about the 14-day ab challenge, and today is day 9 of 14. I felt awful last night [perks of being a woman...cramps and PMS], so I skipped and did day 8 this morning. That just about knocked me on my ass - I struggled through those. But I just did day 9's set, and that actually was the easiest set I've done this entire time. That makes me a little nervous; when a workout doesn't feel exhausting enough, I'm afraid I did it wrong.

Anyway.

I also made it through the first week of Couch to 5K. Surprisingly enough, it didn't knock me down like I thought. The only time I can really commit to running is during lunch, so that's what I've been doing. During this time, I have discovered four things:

1. I've run three out of the last six days [I'll run tomorrow], and it's already gotten easier. Amazing how pacing yourself makes it easier.

2. I have GOT to stretch better. I would be able to run longer if my legs quit cramping up.

3. I much prefer to run outside. Running in a gym sucks because you get hot way too fast. I ran inside last Friday and didn't like it, so I took to the pavement this past Monday and Wednesday. It was in the 40s, but I just needed a warm pair of gloves and some warm workout clothes, and I was gold. It's supposed to be near 70 tomorrow, so running should be glorious.

4. I have to focus on my breathing and pacing while I'm running, so I absolutely can't listen to music. I thought I would be able to, but it throws me off too much.

When I ran outside this past Monday, I had no clue what I was doing or where I would run. I didn't want to run across campus and run into people, so I started to run around the outside of Boone Pickens Stadium/Gallagher-Iba Arena. I do my warm-up by walking from my office to BPS, then I run/walk two circles around the place and use my cooldown to walk back to my office. It's kinda perfect, and I kinda love it. I just hope I feel OK enough tomorrow to run...even if I don't run, I will at least attempt to run.

I haven't stepped on a scale yet, but I might sometime this weekend, just to see where I'm at. I'm not expecting to see much change yet, and it's hard to tell where I stand with my weight when I'm retaining water like a cactus, so maybe I'll wait until next week sometime. But I don't need a scale to tell me that I am starting to feel better about myself. I feel more aware, more awake, have more energy. I feel good while I run and after I run, and it's already gotten easier after just a week. I might actually be able to do this. Wow.

As for how I'm doing personally...I'm OK. I always say that I'm OK, but it's true. I can't say that I'm great or fantastic, because I'm still hurting. But I'm in a much better headspace than I was over the holidays, and I'm slowly feeling alive again. Like I have purpose, like I want to get out there and live my life again. I've had a couple of setbacks, but the setbacks aren't as bad as they used to be. Sunday makes a year since I got my BFP with Devon though, so I'm not quite sure how that will be. I'm trying not to think about it, because my life has changed so much in the last year that I just don't want to dwell. I can't dwell. That's when I start to fall again.

I don't know what 2013 will bring. Maybe it will bring a new baby. Maybe it will bring me peace, or a move, or a better body. Maybe it will just bring me the ability to maintain my life and start to live again. No matter what it brings though, I'm doing what I can to focus on myself and balance myself. Besides working out, I've been writing in my journal more often and will start reading again [i've got emily giffin's latest that's been collecting dust and needs to be read]. I feel like I'm in the best spot - mentally and physically - that I've been in since losing Devon, and I want to continue this trend. This doesn't mean that I'm over what happened, because that will never happen. Every new BFP, new baby that I see or hear about will always be a punch to the gut. Every little milestone will affect me. I'm sure I'll suffer a pretty big setback as we get to August and close to his first Angelversary. But for now, I'm OK, and I'm getting better. Hoping that continues.

I'm determined to make 2013 one of the best years ever. So far, it's going good.