Good-bye 26...

In less than an hour, I'll be 27. Another year older, definitely another year wiser, and ready to see what this new year will bring. I'm not quite sure why I'm mentally making such a big deal about a new age...well, I do know why.

I want a fresh start. This past year has been so hard for me, has been full of so many ups and downs, that I feel like I'm about to turn 40. The last year had so much promise, and instead, I experienced so much heartache. And this will be my first birthday since losing Devon, and it just doesn't seem right that I will be celebrating it with him in my heart instead of with me. The first round of holidays after my loss have been tough to deal with, and my birthday is no exception.

It's hard for me to focus on what good 26 brought, because it's so overpowered by losing my son. But I did have some bright moments...I had a lot of great moments with JJ. The year was hard for us because he was going through behavioral and social issues, but we finally found him two great places [his current daycare and the early childhood center he goes to now] that have done him so much good. My sweet boy has grown so much in the last year, both intellectually and physically, and I look forward to so many more moments with him.

I had another great year at my job. I LOVE my job. I love working with students, love my co-workers, and I love what I do. I'm blessed to be in such a great work environment and to work with some amazing kids.

I got my husband back from his first deployment. That was probably the highlight of my year. I was absolutely terrified the entire time he was gone, so to get him home was the biggest relief ever. I'm so glad he came home safe.

My dad came hom, too! After more than 2.5 years in Afghanistan as a contractor, he is finally home for good. It's great to have my whole family back together again; he's been a big part of our family, and it hasn't been the same without him here.

I got Arthur the Sonata. I love Arthur. He also needs a wash - badly.

Most importantly, I got to see another year of my life. No matter how much pain and sorrow I experienced, I am just grateful I got to live through it, got to write another chapter in my [hopefully long] book of life. I met new people, did cool things, formed new relationships and lived. I honestly have no regrets about how the last year has gone, because the way things went were out of my control. You can call it fate, God's hand at work, whatever - but I am just here to live the best life I can, given the cards that I'm dealt. I can admit that I was dealt a decently crappy hand for 26, but I made the best of it.

I will say that I am very surprised at the strength I have nowadays. Most people think I'm the strongest person alive, but they don't see me when I'm alone. They don't see all the tears I cry in the car during lunch, the breakdowns I have while holding Devon's bear, the thoughts that roll through my mind about my angel every single day. I literally have one moment a day where I could just lose it, but I don't. I have been able to pull strength from my deepest core more and more each day, and I am finding ways to live my life again and try to move forward. It's hard, and I still have days when I want to quit. But I think the thing I will remember most about 26 is that I have way more strength than I thought I would ever have. I hit my lowest point of my entire life on that fateful August night when I found out Devon was gone, and I honestly wasn't sure I would ever recover. To me, it's a miracle that I'm able to stand here at 27 and say that I'm here to live my life. I can move forward, can find hope that this new year will be a better one for me and my family. Her'e's hoping.

Now I'm starting to ramble, so to end this post, here are the last random 17 things about me [the first 10 are here]:

11. I haaaaaaaaaate cleaning the bathroom. I do it because it needs to get done, but I'll put it off for as long as possible.

12. My favorite color is blue. Always has been. A close second is orange [that shouldn't really surprise those that know me].

13. I used to hate spaghetti. I have many childhood memories of sitting at the dinner table, crying because I couldn't leave until I finished my spaghetti. I still don't know why I didn't like spaghetti that much, because it's so good!

14. I don't like seafood. I just can't do it. The saltwater fishy taste gets me every single time.

15. I loooooove steak. I can't handle it very well anymore since losing my gallbladder, but I will still eat it on occasion. It's so good.

16. Speaking of gallbladder, I have had two surgeries in my entire life: one to repair the MCL I tore in my left knee a decade ago, and one to remove my gallbladder back in 2011.

17. I was not always a sports nut. I didn't really become one until I got to college and start attending random sporting events. Before college, I only was an NBA fan. My have times have changed.

18. Before having JJ and getting married, my dream job was to be the PR person for the Dallas Mavs. I wanted to work in PR for the NBA so badly...but then we found out JJ was coming, and things changed [for the better].

19. I could down Vegas bombs all day. They're my favorite.

20. I love cherries. They're delish. And grapes - but only the red ones.

21. I don't like sleeping in the dark. I've been that way for years. I either have to have a nightlight or something. Sleeping in the pitch dark only happens when I'm absolutely exhausted.

22. JJ's phobia of loud noises absolutely came from me. I HATE loud noises. Cannons, fireworks, thunder...if it's loud, I always cover my ear. I will probably always be that way.

23. Only my closest friends and family know the true scope of my *N Sync obsession. I'm tellin' you, if they ever pulled a NKOTB and got back together, I would faint.

24. I don't like frosting that much. I'd rather eat the cake.

25. One of my favorite albums of all time is Smash Mouth's "Astro Lounge". And one of my favorite tracks ever is from that album, "When the Morning Comes". I own that CD and love it still, more than a decade later.

26. I hate trying on clothes. I would rather buy it and have to return it than try it on. I don't know why - I guess because it's just such a hassle to change in and out of clothes.

27. I have lost three necklaces by dropping them down a sink drain. I don't even get near sink drains anymore when I take necklaces off.

So here's to you, 26. You were tough, but I made it. Let's see what 27 brings.