What a year.

We are now hours away from 2013, which means I've started to look back on the year that I've had. It's been hard to do that though...probably harder to do that this year than any other year of my life.

I can't say that this year has been the worst year of my life because [lord willing] I have many more years ahead of me and have no clue what the future holds. But in the 26 years I've had on this planet, this year has definitely been the hardest. I don't even recognize the person I am now - I feel like I've aged at least 10 years since January 1, 2012.

This year had so much promise. A new baby, making it through our first deployment, another year at a job I love, another year getting to watch JJ grow...but instead, this year was just full of hardship. J's deployment was tough, we had issues with JJ that put us through hours of testing [and some issues with JJ's old daycare], and a tough pregnancy wound up with us losing our precious boy. Work was probably the only constant in my life that didn't have any issues [because my office is awesome].

The last four months have really tried me. They've tried my faith and my strength most of all; there have been countless days where I just wanted to sit in a dark room and cry. I still cry multiple days of the week, and it might always be that way. I've said it before, but I never thought this would happen to me. I never thought I would have to plan a funeral for my baby, that I wouldn't get to bring my baby home. That thought just never crossed my mind - and why should it? The pain that I've dealt with the last four months is pain that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

But even though this entire year has been overshadowed by losing Devon, there were some bright moments. I will always be grateful for the 7.5 months I had with Devon, that I got to hold him and say good bye, that he hopefully got to feel the love that I had [and will always have] for him. I am proud to be his mommy, proud that I was blessed to have him in my life. I have faith that he is still a part of me, that I will one day get to raise him and have him back in my life, and that he will always know that my love for him is - and always will be - unconditional.

I made my first trip to Connecticut to visit my college roommate, and I got to see NYC for the first time. That was the best trip EVER, and I can't wait to go back and see her again. I also got to make several trips to Great Wolf Lodge, which is always a fun place to go. It's great that there's a family-friendly place nearby that we can take JJ to and have a good time. J and I both got new cars this year, too; we're lucky to be in the financial position to be able to do that [especially since replacing J's car was not in the cards until he got into an accident].

Most importantly, I got to spend time with my family. J and I made it through his first deployment relatively unscathed, which I am absolutely thankful for. There were moments when I was genuinely scared, but he held strong and came home. I also got to spend another year with my sweet JJ, got to see him grow by leaps and bounds, even though he faced some challenges. He is now in the best environment I could ask for, in a school program that has done wonders for him. He's so smart, so creative, and it's so fun to watch [even though he can be a handful]. My entire family still has their health, my dad is still holding strong in Afghanistan [but hopefully will be home for good in 2013], and our family got bigger with the addition of a future brother-in-law. My sister got engaged yesterday! They hope to marry in summer 2014, and I'm thrilled for them.

As this year winds down, I've resolved not to make any new year's resolutions for 2013. I just want to do the following:

1. Live life to the fullest. If Devon's loss taught me anything, it's that life can be entirely too short. I have to make the most of the moments that I have.

2. Get healthy. I'm signed up for the OKC Memorial 5K in April, and I'm going to run it this year damn it. I'm going to test run a workout lunch program so that I can get my Couch to 5K in during the week without cutting into JJ time, and I have a couple of at-home workouts that I'm going to start. Time to get my lazy ass in gear.

3. Enjoy what I have. I'm trying to downsize and not be so materialistic. We want to get in a better financial place in 2013, and to do that, we have to downsize and save. So I need to start enjoying what I have and become more frugal.

4. Continue to grow as a woman, wife and mother. I have my moments of selfishness, and my moments when I give entirely too much and don't take time for me. I need to find a balance between my responsibilities as a wife and mother, as well as taking the time to grow as a woman.

5. Figure out my life. There are several things hanging in the balance right now, and I want 2013 to be about bringing all of the loose strings in my life together. Grad school, J's military career, trying to add to our family again, JJ's schooling [he'll start pre-k in august!]...all of those things are big moves for us. I hope to figure that all out and to move forward as best we can.

At this point, I can admit that I'm still a little lost, and probably a little depressed. It's been tough to move forward, tough to find the good in life, tough to keep my faith. But I will say that the only way I can go from here is up - and I'm determined to go up. I'm determined to bounce back, to make 2013 as best a year as I can. The year has the potential to be a great one for my family, and I just pray that it will be.

Merry Christmas.

Well. I can officially say that I made it through Christmas. I wasn't quite sure how I'd handle this holiday, but today actually wasn't that bad. It was a good day overall.

For the second time in four years, we had a white Christmas! I went my entire life not having one, and now I've had two in four years. So strange, but so cool. However, the weather gods definitely played me. I thought we'd just get a dusting of snow and that OKC/Stillwater would get the brunt, just like the weathermen said. But then, it started raining at midnight, and I knew we were probably gonna get hit pretty hard. By morning, it was sleeting; by 9am, snowing; and by 4pm, it had pretty much stopped. But during that time, we probably got a good 5-6 inches of snow, with drifts being much higher than that. We were under a blizzard warning for most of the day, too. So much for the 2-4 inches we were supposed to get...but snow is so pretty...

But now, my car is surrounded by a snow drift. I'll have to dig my way out or wait for the snow to melt. Lame.

Around 9am, when it first started...

And around 4pm, when the snow moved out.  Yikes.

Now normally, we open presents at midnight - but this year, we decided to not wake JJ and just get up whenever. Whenever wound up being 715am - way earlier than I was hoping for, but JJ tends to wake up that early when we're visiting my mom's. So I rolled out of bed, stuck on my Thunder Santa hat and made my way downstairs to open presents.

Tree at my parents' was loaded this year. Doesn't even include JJ's new ATV. Geez.

JJ is a little different from your typical kid - he isn't a big fan of opening presents. He's good for the first couple, then he just loses interest and moves on to something else. About 75 percent of the presents under the tree were his, so he only got through three before he didn't even care anymore. That meant my sister and I wound up opening most of his presents...ah well. Maybe one year [next year?] he'll actually open everything before he wanders off. As I helped open his presents, I also opened mine - and got some amazing stuff.

Christmas loot.

-- Buffalo Wild Wings gift card [nom nom]
-- Ghiradelli chocolates [again, nom nom]
-- two different K-Cup holders [woot! now the boxes won't take up space in my cabinets!]
-- two sets of OSU pajama pants [which I absolutely wanted and needed]
-- Sephora gift card [got this, along with one of the sets of pajama pants, from my sister's boyfriend]
-- An electric screwdriver set [definitely needed this]
-- Burt's Bees chapstick and cuticle oil [again, definitely needed this]
-- The Corpse Bride on Blu-ray [after The Nightmare Before Christmas, my fave Tim Burton movie]
-- a 5-year journal where I can write a blurb about my day every day for five years [my sister got me this, and I totally love it]
-- wooden cutting boards [again, from my sister]
-- a bottle of wine...my sister found this really awesome place called Urban WineWorks and got me the most amazing bottle of sweet red there; however, I already drank it back at the beginning of the month when I was having a rough night and was spending the night at her place...ha...

Two other things I got are my most favorite gifts of all. The first will be installed sometime this week [depending on when we can dig ourselves out] - my parents got me a remote start for my car. SUHWEET. I'm so freakin' thrilled. It's supposed to be installed tomorrow, but I doubt I'll get my car out, so I'll try to get it done Thursday or Friday.

The other gift is my absolute favorite. JJ [through my parents] got me birthstone necklaces for December [him] and August [Devon]. The only time I cried today was when I opened those necklaces and saw that I had one for Devon, too. They're my most favorite gift of all.

I love these. So much.

The rest of the day was spent talking to my dad [who got to FaceTime in from Afghanistan and watch us open presents], watching the snow fall and setting up all of JJ's toys. Pretty sure we used at least a dozen batteries in all the toys that he got. I think his favorite toy was the Play-Doh ice cream maker set I got him; he would play with that thing for hours if we let him. He also really loves the two Thomas the Train sets that he got [one a Take-and-Play; the other a motorized train set that we plan to build on]. It was so fun to watch him play with his toys and enjoy the day with him; this is the first year he really started to get Christmas, which made it even more fun.

Yay Thomas!

My mom made the most delicious Christmas lunch, which we ate while watching lots of basketball [don't eeeeeeeeven get me started on the atrocious officiating - and play - i watched during the thunder/heat game]. Besides a quick adventure outside to retrieve the cover that had blown off my dad's truck [and almost busting my ass in a snow drift], the rest of the day was quiet. It was nice to be home as a family [well, besides my husband and dad being gone] and just hanging out. It was even more fun to watch JJ enjoy the holiday.

I thought today would be really hard - and trust me, it was. But it wasn't as hard as I thought. I'm not sure if it's because I'm four months removed and have started to accept that I just won't have my son here for all of these special moments [won't have him here physically, at least]. Or maybe it's because I imagined him having his own Christmas celebration in heaven. Or maybe it's because I was surrounded by an amazing mom, sister and little big man that helped keep my mind off things. Whatever it was, today wasn't as hard to handle as I thought, and I'm grateful for that. I just felt at peace, even though my heart ached all day. I'm just grateful I made it through in one piece.

As the day winds down and we move on to the rest of the year, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for all that I received and was able to give, grateful that I felt at peace, grateful that I was surrounded by family, grateful that I saw my first legit snow in more than a year. I'm just...grateful. For everything.

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope your holiday was amazing.

Kolu would say Merry Christmas, but he's kinda busy terrorizing that ball. Isn't his bow cute though?! :)

Crafty Christmas.

First off - Merry Christmas! I can't believe this holiday is already here...seems like yesterday I was waiting for Christmas commercials to appear before Halloween [which they did this year]. Now, it's my favorite holiday. We'll get into the details of the holiday later, after we've opened presents and I've made it through.

But this entry is to brag about the crafty stuff I did this year. Every year, I say that I'm going to do at least one homemade thing for the holidays. That doesn't always happen, but this year, it did. I did THREE homemade things for the holidays.

THREE.

My first craft is thanks to a Pinterest craze: felt Christmas tree.

My first crafy craft craft.

The one weekend I had to myself in October, I saw some of my friends talking about the felt tree on Facebook. JoAnn Fabrics just happened to be having a great sale on their felt [half off, holla], so I picked up different colors one cold afternoon [it flurried that day!] and went to work. Two hours, three templates and two pairs of scissors later, I finished the tree. I was so proud of myself and thought it actually looked decent, considering I can't cut anything out to save my life. I put it up after Thanksgiving, thinking JJ would play with it...

This was right before JJ took off all the ornaments and almost trashed them. Awesome.

...but he only played with it after I put it up. And he tried to throw all the ornaments away. I made the tree hoping he wouldn't mess with our real tree, but the plan backfired. Ah well. I'll keep it and make the time to make better ornaments, so maybe next year he'll actually play with it. Maybe.

My second craft was something my mom suggested for teacher gifts: yarn monsters. She saw it on the BabbaCo website [we've ordered stuff from their site before for JJ - love it], and she suggested I make them to be pen or pencil toppers for JJ's teacher gifts. During a night where I worked until 1am and was up until 3am due to stupid high winds, I decided to make them on my own - and it was so fun and easy! I made a couple and then let JJ help me make more. Of course, he only wanted to cut the yarn and nothing else, so I finished them off - but it was still fun. And easy. And cute. We might make a couple to put on our tree next year.

Hello cuteness.

My third craft is actually food-related...well, dog-related, at least. I decided to make our two family dogs, Maui and Kolu, dog treats. I found this recipe on the King Arthur Flour website and decided to try them out. I wish I'd gotten pictures of me actually making them, because JJ helped out. He loves helping out in the kitchen and did a great job pouring the ingredients into the mixer. Anyway. I couldn't find a dog bone cookie cutter, so I just made round biscuits and baked them. I made them as Christmas gifts but wanted the dogs to try them, so they each got one - and LOVED them. I'm so stoked they actually liked them; I was totally afraid they wouldn't. Maybe I'll try my hand at more homemade dog treats for them soon. I'll try to snap pics of them munching on them later today when they get to have more as a part of the Christmas festivities.

There's a couple of things I wish I'd made time for - homemade coasters being the main one - but I'm glad that I made the time to do these things. I'm already starting to think of things I can do next year and want to do more treats and sweets to give as gifts. And, getting crafty means I probably won't have to actually wrap gifts - I can stick them in gift bags. Hallelujah...because I hate wrapping. HATE. But that's a different story for a different day.

Stepping back.

I know it's hard to believe, but there was a time before technology totally took over the world. There was a time before Facebook, Twitter, blogging, text messaging and YouTube. There was a time when people called landlines instead of cell phones, sent thank you notes instead of thank you emails, met face to face instead of through Skype or FaceTime.

I think it's time that I step back to that time. Well, sorta.

Ever since losing Devon, I've had a lot of ups and downs. Lately though, I've had more downs. I think it's the holidays mixed with all the new babies and pregnancies I seem to be surrounded by that have just thrown me for a loop. I am surrounded by constant reminders that others are getting their happy endings - and deserve to get them - and I didn't get mine. I am surrounded by constant reminders of what should be, but instead I live in my current reality of grief and loss, and it sucks. It's gonna suck for awhile, too. I know it is.

So that's why I have to take a step back. The beauty of social media is that it's so easy to keep up with those I care about since most of them are on Facebook or Twitter or a blog. But the pain of social media is that I also get to watch their lives unfold and watch them be happy while, on the inside, I'm still heartbroken. I am so, so grateful that I do have JJ, because he is my little blessing - but at the same time, I am still very much grieving the loss of Devon, and I think I will be for awhile. Even after the holidays pass and 2013 begins, I will still be grieving. And to get wrapped up in what others are doing in their lives, how others' lives are going [whether good or bad], is just not a good thing for me. At all. I'm always checking Facebook and Twitter, always wondering what people are doing when I need to be focusing on me and mine.

I have to step back. I have to focus on me, on my family, on healing. So I deleted the Facebook app from my iPhone today, and I'm considering deactivating my account through the end of the year. I'll still keep Twitter because I use that as an outlet, and I'll keep my blog up and running for the same reason. Honestly, I think people follow me on Twitter to see what kind of random ish I say throughout the day, and I think people read my blog because they're following my life, very curious or just nosy. But that's fine - I'm fine with that. I want people to know my story, especially as I'm dealing with something that not a lot of people have experienced or dealt with on their own.

While 2012 has sucked, it hasn't been the worst. I can think of lots of situations that could make my life worse than it is, even though having to lose a baby is just about as far down the ladder as I ever want to be. But for now, I have to focus on me and not be so damn wrapped up in everything else. So for now, it's so long to Facebook [and possibly Twitter, although that much social media withdrawal at one time could be detrimental to my health, which is ridiculous and somewhat true]. I hope to update this blog more, to start some random projects I've been putting off, and to - most importantly - spend more time detached from my phone and focusing on me and my family. JJ isn't getting any younger, and I have admittedly spent more time on my phone and random apps than I should. Time to cut it all off and spend the last days of 2012 slowing down, timing out and enjoying what I have. Even with everything that has happened, I am still immensely blessed. It's time I actually show it.

Newtown.

In my 26 years on this planet, a lot has happened. I don't remember the Berlin Wall coming down but heard stories from my parents. I barely remember the Gulf War, but because I grew up military, it was definitely talked about. I was barely 9 - and had only lived in Oklahoma for 8 months - when the OKC bombing happened. That's the first "bad" thing where I can remember where I was when it happened, and I hoped that would be the only "bad" thing.

Then 9/11 happened. I definitely remember where I was when that happened. Remember watching the media coverage, hearing the stories, being terrified that my dad would be sent to Iraq to fight. He wasn't ever sent to war, but I always had that nagging feeling that he would be until the day he retired.

I remember the early days of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Life went on around that, but it was always a black cloud hanging over people. I hoped that would be the worst I'd have to witness, but then we started having shootings.

Columbine. Fort Hood. Arizona. Omaha. Aurora. Northern Illinois. Virginia Tech.

There are others I haven't even mentioned but, if I heard of the circumstances, would probably remember. I remember all of those places, all of those shootings - especially Virginia Tech, because it changed the landscape of security at Oklahoma State and other colleges/universities [I was an undergrad when that shooting happened].

But none - NONE - will affect me like Newtown has.

I remember reading my Twitter feed, seeing flashes of "shooting in Connecticut" and thinking, "Geez. Not another one." But this wasn't just "another one". This one took the lives of 26 people, 20 of them children. CHILDREN. They were only 2-3 years older than JJ. I had to quit watching the news, reading the stories, seeing the pictures as the true horror of that event unfolded. I couldn't imagine someone wanting to take the lives of such innocent people, especially those children.

It made me question things. How does something like this happen? Could it have been prevented? Holy crap, my kid will be in school full-time next year, should I homeschool him? I don't even want to get into a gun debate, because this situation isn't about that - this is about a small New England town that unexpectedly had to bury 26 of its own. A small New England town that will always live in the infamous spotlight - "Do you remember Newtown?" "Man, has it been that long since Newtown?" People will whisper for awhile, just like they used to whisper when Oklahoma City was mentioned in the days, weeks, months after the bombing.

My heart breaks for those parents who had to bury their children. My situation is different, but the outcome is the same. We fall into a special category no one wants to be a part of: burying our children before it's their time. Again, I am not saying that losing Devon is the same as what they went through, but I can empathize. Those 20 precious lives had such promise, such hope, had the whole world to explore - and a selfish act cut all that too short. I'm not a deeply religious person, but I have to have faith that something good will come out of this, because when you experience such a deep loss, there just has to be something to hold on to.

I won't lie - I'm terrified that this could happen to my own son [and any other children we have, Lord willing]. I'm glad that the school system here is putting security measures in place, and that JJ's daycare has already stepped up its security [need a code to get in, doing some things to their building to make it safer etc.]. But I hate that I have to question if that will be enough - if anything will ever be enough.

I wish there was a magic eraser that could just wipe this whole thing away - but there isn't. The parents, family, friends of those who were lost a week ago will have to spend the rest of their lives grieving for their loved ones, and nothing will take away that hurt. The pain will lessen, but there will always be an ache. I send them my love, thoughts, prayers and hope that one day, they can move forward. You have an entire nation behind you, Newtown - I hope you can feel our love and thoughts from across the miles.

My Devon bear.

A few weeks after losing Devon, a good friend of mine sent me a text to check on me and ask if I'd heard of Molly Bears. This non-profit organization makes weighted teddy bears in remembrance of the little ones who became angels too soon. On the 30th of each month, you can go on their website to sign up for a weighted bear that's personalized just for you. I heard about it at the beginning of October and knew I wanted to sign up for a bear.

When I first heard of them, their waitlist was in the 2000s, so I knew it would be ages before I got my bear. But then, they did a holiday drive where a $100 donation would guarantee you a bear before Christmas. I made a donation in Devon's memory for the holidays, and I got on the list. Then, I waited for weeks until my bear was made. For a little bit, I was afraid I wouldn't get it, but I waited.

A week or so ago, I got notification the bear had shipped. I nearly hyperventilated at work when I got the email.

Last week, the bear arrived.

I waited to open the box. I knew that once I opened that box, I would be looking at a bear that weighed as much as Devon did when he was born sleeping. I wasn't sure what the bear would look like or what special embellishments he would have, which made me even more anxious to see him. But knowing that box was here, that the only reason why that box was here was because I had an angel, made me apprehensive. So I waited.

I finally opened the box last night after getting back from a family vacation. I promptly bawled my eyes out.

The first thing I thought was that the bear was hefty. Not sure if it's because I'm not used to teddy bears weighing anything, or if's because I forgot how much five pounds weighed, but I was surprised at how heavy the bear was. Which made me cry even harder, because that's how heavy Devon was. He wasn't just a tiny little thing. He was 34 weeks, 5 pounds, 18.5 inches. He was a baby - my baby.

I stood in my kitchen for a good 10 minutes and just cried. The bear was absolutely perfect, and he had monkey and sun buttons. I had put in the embellishment part of the bear request that I used to call him Little Monkey [even had monkeys on his going home outfit] and sing You Are My Sunshine to him. To see those particular buttons on the bear, and know what they meant, made me cry even harder.

While it hurts my soul to have that bear in my possession, it also brings me a sense of comfort. I will always have my bear, always be able to hold him and remember Devon. He will be a symbol of Devon  as well; I plan to incorporate him into family pictures as often as possible. It's amazing what kind of resources and support are out there for loss mommies like me, but this is by far one of the most incredible gestures ever. I plan to make some sort of donation every year to the organization in honor of our sweet boy.

So, thank you, Molly Bears, for giving me a precious reminder of my angel. What you guys do is just...beyond words.

My sweet Devon bear. So, so precious.

Four.

Four.

That's how old my little boy is today. Four years ago, he was born at 9:03pm weighing 7 pounds and measuring 20.5 inches. Today, he's ridiculously tall and probably about 40 pounds or so [we find out his official stats at his check-up next week], and he wears a size 11.5/12 toddler shoe. Soon, he'll be in boys' shoes. Wow.

How did we get to this point so quickly? How did I go from sleepless nights to walking to FOUR in such a short amount of time? I swear, life did not pass so quickly before I became a parent. I mean, college flew by, but that was nothing compared to how quickly the last four years have flown by. It's been such a joy to watch JJ grow up and learn new things, but it's also been bittersweet because I want time to slow the hell down.

He's taken such leaps and bounds this last year, even with everything that has happened to our family. He's talking a lot more, stringing together full sentences, using his imagination [his current thing is making up verses to The Wheels on the Bus], and learning sports. I'm serious about that last one - he knows that after a touchdown normally comes an extra point attempt, what a slam dunk is and how many points basketball shots are worth. He's also currently learning the words to the OKState fight song, a feat I will definitely take credit for. :)

When he was a baby, I spent so many nights wondering what kind of kid he would be - and he's such a fun kid. He's also exhausting; he has so much energy that it's difficult to reign him in. He loves to be a copycat, especially when it comes to thinks he shouldn't be saying/doing [like jumping on beds and jumping off couches]. His current likes are Thomas the Train, Toy Story [well, really Buzz Lightyear], Finding Nemo [especially Nemo], this toy robot he got from a family friend, and running all over the place. This year, he finally figured out that Christmas = Santa Claus and presents, birthday = blowing out candles and presents, and Halloween = trick-or-treating and candy. Oh boy.

He also has this thing for airplanes. We live by an airport that offers flying lessons, so planes are going around here all the time. He would probably sit for hours and watch those planes if he could. We have never taken him on an airplane, but I think he just enjoys watching them soar through the sky. Part of me wonders if he'll be a pilot someday...it would be logical, especially since the Air Force bloodline is now in our family since my husband is in. Only time will tell.

He is so very observant. I call him my little GPS; if we go to a place often enough, he can get us there by telling us which way to turn. He also recognizes logos [like Wal-Mart, Sam's, Hobby Lobby etc.], places [Costco, Great Wolf Lodge, the mall], and things [my mom's van, our neighbor's truck]. He sees and hears everything, which is a good and a bad thing. He has [unfortunately] picked up on my irritation with bad sports calls and awful drivers, which means he yells "Throw the ball!" or "Go defense go!" at the TV or "People, go, go!" on the road. Oops.

He is somewhat of a picky eater. He'll eat chicken and pork chops but doesn't like the crap food - hamburgers, hot dogs etc. The only way I can get him to eat veggies is to get him chicken noodle soup from Panera Bread or sneak in spinach. He loves smoothies, spaghetti and just about any candy or chocolate you put in front of him. He's also a big oatmeal fan, which he definitely didn't get from me since I don't like oatmeal.

He loves being outside, so we got him a bike this year that he can [hopefully] ride around. I can't believe this thing has training wheels that can be removed; the day those come off, I know I'll cry. We couldn't find a suitable Thomas bike, so we got a Buzz one instead:

JJ's new Toy Story bike. Props to J for putting it together.

Instead of a party, we will be taking him to Great Wolf Lodge later on this week [for the fourth time in a year - we totes love that place]. Three of my aunts and J are in town to go with us and celebrate; I'm so looking forward to the family time. It will also take my mind off of how quickly the future is becoming reality. In August, he will start pre-k full time and won't be in daycare as much anymore. He will be in school - where he'll have school pictures, yearbooks, PTA meetings, sports, friends, homework...wow. Just thinking about how quickly that's coming down the pipeline makes my heart drop. I knew that JJ wouldn't stay little forever, but to be facing all of this so fast is just a shock to the system. When he was little, I willed time to slow down so that I could truly savor every moment - but instead, it's gone by faster.

As the time continues to fly by, I continue to be amazed at how much he's learning, how much he's growing, how big he's gotten. Even though he's probably in the 90th+ percentile for his height, he will always be my little boy. The day he came into my life was the day my life changed forever, and it's only gotten better and better the older he gets. I am so blessed to have him in my life, to be able to call him my son, to be able to hear him call me his mommy. He is my world, my heart, my soul - and I will try my hardest to cherish every moment, because we all know that babies don't keep.

Happy Birthday to my sweet, sweet boy. Mommy loves you to infinity and beyond.

He's 4, and I can't get him off the iPhone long enough to quit talking to Elmo. I'm in trouble.