Truckin' along.

So the last couple of days with J being in basic really haven't been that bad. I got my phone call the first night he was there [totally wasn't expecting it until later this week or even next week] - he spit his address at me, told me he loved me and hung up. I hope I got it right...I've already written him a letter for every day he's been gone. Yeah, it may be overkill, but it mostly talks about JJ and sports: our two fave topics.

Of course I miss him, but I'm just ready to see him again. Time's going by at a decent clip, too - I mean, this weekend is the first day of May already. Four months of the year are already gone. OSU graduation is next weekend. Before I know it, J will be done, we'll get our first duty station, and JJ will be two. I'm pretty sure time's been flying by faster the older I've gotten.

I got a new book earlier this week that I can't put down. It's called "The Book of Awesome," and it's a spin-off of a blog this guy wrote about things that make you go "Awesome!" This book is SO fun, and each item puts a smile on my face and has me in total agreement. The list isn't numbered, so I'm not sure how many he lists in the book or how many more I have to read...but I'm about 3/4 of the way done and love it. This'll be a book I bust out every now and then for a good smile. Oh, and I found out that I can check out books from the on-campus library, so that's where I'll be headed this weekend. I have a couple of books in mind I want to read right away...including Emily Giffin's books that I haven't read yet. Maybe I can drop by tomorrow during lunch...

Started looking at other daycare options, since we've had some issues with where he's at now...but none of them are as good or exprienced as where he's at now. This whole stay-at-home mom thing is really starting to sound good, but we need both our salaries [for now] to make ends meet. One day, it'll all work out.

It's late, and I'm finally getting tired again. Time to toss the clothes in the dryer, finish dishes and head to bed with little man. Game Six of the Thunder-Lakers series is tonight...can't wait! THUNDER UP!

A new chapter.

I should be in bed...and I'm finally getting tired...but my mind's still kinda moving right now, so it's impossible to fully settle down.

J left for basic today...well, he reported. He flies out of OKC tomorrow to start eight weeks of training [hopefully it's only eight]. This past weekend was one of the hardest weekends every - my big girl panties definitely disappeared. I lost track of how many times I cried this weekend - had a huge breakdown Sunday night before we went to bed. I keep telling myself that he's not getting deployed, that he's only going to basic and tech school...but it's still hard. The hardest part will be spending eight weekends away from him and not being able to call/text him. I'm hoping his unit does well during basic so that I get to hear from him often. I already have a journal that I'm using to write him, and I'm getting ready to write him his first letter. I'll be anxiously waiting by the phone the next few days, waiting to hear his voice at basic. Mentally, I'm already counting the weeks until this is over.

I spent the day with JJ and hung out around the house. I still feel weird, knowing that J's gone and our Air Force life is close to beginning...I feel like my life has changed. It's hard to describe. I felt this type of shift when I got engaged, when I found out I was pregnant, when I moved into my first place, when I got married...and now, with this. I'm just hoping and praying that J does well at basic and becomes a strong, proud Airman. I'm already proud of him for this major step - I just miss him. A lot.

I did finish reading my second book over the weekend - Moloka'i by Alan Brennert.

It got a little long, but it was an AMAZING book. It's the tale of Rachel, a little girl stricken with leprosy and sent from O'ahu to Moloka'i to live out what many thought would be her last days. Instead, she lives a long, full, prosperous life, full of love, loss, joy and sorrow. It got a little long for me at times, but the story was just incredible. Being Hawaiian, this struck a nerve with me, because I was reading a part of my mom's homeland's history, too. I was trying to imagine what Moloka'i, O'ahu, Maui would've looked like back then....still many years from statehood but already being invaded by the Americans...amazing how time changes things. I can't wait to read "Honolulu"...maybe I'll head to OSU's library and check it out or get a library card at the public library. I feel like the reading bug has finally bit me again...it's been laying dormant for awhile, but this year, I've already read a book a month. That's A LOT for me, considering for the past six years, I haven't read more than seven books for pleasure [if that].

This past weekend, we had the chance to attend Game Four of the Thunder/Lakers playoff series.

I'm still so stoked about that game. We had the opportunity to purchase amazing tickets, and we did - in the lower level, behind the basket. The most fun thing was that J was actually impressed and excited about the game. I think he was more hype than me at times. :) The Thunder blew out the Lakers, and the series got pushed to six. Lucky for us, we also have tickets to that game - not nearly as close as we were on Saturday, but hey. Considering the game sold out in 10 minutes and NO ONE could get tix, I'm insanely lucky to have four for the game. I'm so excited about it! Thunder Up!

I would write more, but my eyes are feeling droopy, and I HAVE to write that letter to J before I go to bed - my goal is to write him a letter every day that he's gone. My mind keeps flipping to him, but I have plenty to keep me busy - namely JJ, and I think I'll start GRE preps and looking into grad programs. Besides the baby fever, the school bug's bitten me...I'd like to start soon. I also scored at Hobby Lobby - their scrapbooks and paper were half off - so I got JJ's scrapbook and will start on that soon. I just need to wade through all the pics of him that I have...

*To my incredible husband: I am so proud ot be your wife and am grateful for the sacrifice you're making for us, our country and yourself. I'm anxious, excited, nauseous, thrilled, scared...all these emotions wrapped into one. Good luck at basic, and I can't wait to see you in June. I love you. - Wifey*

Need to occupy brain...

It's time for me to start occupying my brain a little more. J leaves for basic next week, and when I'm not busy, my brain switches to life AM [after military]. Well, actually, my brain switches to next week, when J will leave for eight weeks. I'm a big ball of emotions right now. A big part of me is excited for him and ready to hear about his experience. A small part of me - big enough for me to cry when I think about it, but small enough to push it aside when I need to - is very scared of the Great Unknown. Where will we get stationed? How will J do at BMT? How often will I hear from him? How will I handle not being able to talk to him everyday?

I'm trying to hold it all in, but I spent a decent part of today crying. Tonight wasn't so bad since JJ was all over the place and kept me pretty busy. I'm getting better with it now and think I'll be OK once he leaves. I'll have to go get stationery so I can write him every day and send the letters once I get his mailing address. I wonder if I can send care packages...I'm gonna be one of those annoying wives that writes him all the time. I hope he appreciates it. I need to get better at printing off pics, too...so I can send him those. We'll celebrate Mother's Day, Memorial Day, Father's Day and JJ's 18-month birthday while he's gone. Want to make sure he stays in the loop.

I've decided to seriously take up scrapbooking. My mom still has stuff at the house that I can use, and I'm going to try and get a Cricut out of J somehow. I've started sorting out pics to print and planning out the pages. I think I'll work on JJ's 1st year album first, then do a family one. I wish H and I had taken more pics during our first year of marriage so I could make a scrapbook of that, but oh well. I have enough to add to a family album for all of us.

I've also gotten back on the book bandwagon and am on my second book. This one's longer than the one I read this weekend, but I absolutely love it. I wonder if I can check out books at OSU's library...I'll have to check on that. If not, I'll just get a library card from the Stillwater Public Library. Checking out books on campus will give me an excuse to explore campus more than just staying in my corner of the world...hm.

30DS should keep me busy, but I haven't done it since the first day. It's not that I don't want to do it - by the time I get around to it, I end up falling asleep. I've gotta get better with my time management at night and getting up on time in the morning. At least I got the laundry and dishes done tonight - that's a pretty big accomplishment for me. Now, to unpack my suitcase...that should occupy my brain for a bit.

Some things really make you think.

Over the past few months, I feel like I've been going through the motions of life. Every now and then, I have this burst of feeling that makes me think I'm coming out of the monotony of it all...but nope. I think 2009 was such a random, weird year for me that I just got used to going through the motions and not really feeling it. The only part of my life that I really felt was the part that involved raising my son. We had a very trying year in 2009 since he was sick all the time and my job kept me away from him more than I liked. I didn't think about it then because I just went through the motions, but looking back on it, I was away from him a lot. I dind't mind it as much back then because I had some freedom to do whatever [like go out with friends] and knew he was in good hands, but I will NEVER do that again.

When 2010 started and I got my new job, I started to feel different. The stress started melting away. JJ got tubes and finally started to get better. J was definitely going into the Air Force, but I was starting to come to terms with that, too. I've felt like a different person this year...like I've finally started to get my life back. It's been nice to have that feeling, since my old job kept me busy and sucked me of all my energy. Don't get me wrong, I loved what I did - but it's funny how I never realized until after I left just how exhausting that job really was.

But tonight, something stop and really made me think about my life. A girl that I'd met once before - but I knew had an amazing spirit; you could just tell by her laughter, her voice and her FB friends who praised her right and left - died in a car accident yesterday morning. She was the same age as me and has a little boy at home around JJ's age [maybe older]. Even though I didn't know her personally, that story just broke my heart. A young woman, gone too soon...a toddler, left motherless. All because an idiot drove down the wrong lane of the highway and hit the car she was driving in. She had her seatbelt on - and she still died. Where's the fairness in that? The idiot lived, but she died and left her child behind. Every time I think about it, my mind just starts to spin. What if something like that happened to me? Worse, what if I lost JJ in an accident like that? Or just an accident period? I worry about him so much that I lose sleep over it. I always wonder, every second of every day, if I'll lose him. If I'll forget him in the car one hot summer day or if he'll choke on something or fall and hit his head. All of the possibilities gives me a headache and depresses me. I just worry so much about my little boy because if I ever lost him, I would probably die myself. He means the absolute world to me.

And because he means the world to me, I have to be the best mother to him I possibly can. Although I don't want to really think about it as much as I do, I know that tomorrow is never guaranteed, and God could call up any of us at any time. I want to be sure that the live I have with my son - and any other children we have, should we be blessed with them - is the fullest life. I want him to have everything he needs, but more importantly, I want him to know how much I love and adore him. I want him to be able to turn to me for whatever reason without fear or worry. I want to watch him grow up, be there for him all the time, support him in all he does. When he was first born, I wasn't sure if I was cut out to be a stay-at-home mom...but the older he gets, the more I want to be a SAHM. I'm hoping I can once we move to J's first duty station. I've also checked my fear of pregnancy and want to start trying right away. Children are blessings, and I know JJ will be an amazing older brother. I'm not afraid anymore that I won't be able to balance it, because I know I can. And I will.

I've been careless with my life the past few months. I've said some hurtful things, neglected my responsibilities and been selfish. I don't want to be that way anymore. This year has been so amazing [and way better than 2009], and I want it to continue. Right now, my mind's also consumed with J leaving for BMT in a week [i'm dreading that day and have been crying about it in secret for a month now] and my dad going back overseas this summer [for another year...i've been crying about that one, too]...but still, this year's been a great one so far. I've already made mental and physical changes that will benefit me and my family, and I know they'll continue and we'll get stronger as a single unit. I'm just grateful I have an amazing husband who understands and is patient with me, great parents and sister who are always there, and the most beautiful son who adores his mommy and is seriously one of the best children out there.

I know this entry's rambled on, but it's just a glimpse into how my mind works. When something triggers my thought process, I just write and don't change it up. Somewhere in there, it all makes sense and ties together. To sum it up: life is precious; don't take advantage of it, because it could all be gone tomorrow. Let your loved ones know how much you love and appreciate them. Always take the time to snap that picture you've been putting off, take that walk with your family, color that page with your child. I vow to do that.

Finally. A breather to update.

I really need to get better at updating this blog. I still have been working on my list...just haven't updated this. Eep.

I'll just jump right into it. I started 30 Day Shred...well, sorta. I got it, and J and I did it the first day - but that was three days ago. It was a great workout, and I plan on sticking with it...we just haven't had the time or energy with little man being sick. Just after the first workout, I already felt great - and my knees don't creak as much. I had my MCL repaired in my left knee in 2003, and my right knee's always had issues [but no surgeries]. To feel a difference in my weak knees after the first 20-minute workout on level one was amazing. I love that DVD.

I added another dinner date to no. 28 - my best friend and I had dinner on Friday night when I got back into town. We just sat there for an hour and a half and just talked. It was SO awesome - I missed her! I already changed this on my list, but no. 29 has been started...I paid off our Kay card on the 1st! That card was what we used to buy our watched for Mother's Day/Father's Day last year, and we had set payments. I was able to pay it off early, and I'm glad it's finally done. Just three more to go...hopefully, another can be paid off by June, with the others coming along as they are at the moment.

Yesterday was the start of no. 60, which is to read 25 books. The bookstore on campus was having a half-off sale, so I went in on a whim and found an interesting book. The book was so interesting, I've already finished it - and I bought it Friday during my lunch break. It's call "Once Upon a Day" by Lisa Tucker. The book was absolutely fascinating...it's about this Hollywood power couple broken up by violence, the obsession to protect and the need to be free. A director falls in love with this struggling, innocent actress, and both are very successful. They wind up married with two children, but it all falls apart one day after two men rob their home and brutally attack the woman, almost killing her. Their daughter is locked in a closet for two hours while the men attack her mother, and the son finds her body - stabbed 17 times and burned, left for dead. The woman self-destructs over the course of two years, and the man has enough and moves his children to a secluded town in New Mexico while the wife is out of town shooting a movie, never leaving a trace of where they went. The children are homeschooled, never allowed to do anything dangerous, are never exposed to TV or the modern world...it's like they live in the 1950s and time has frozen around them. Nineteen years later, the son leaves The Sanctuary, the father gets very sick, and the daughter leaves to bring him home. The book follows the kids' journey towards discovering who they really are, who their mother really is [they'd been told she was dead] and how the outside world functions. I really, really liked it and am considering reading some of her other books. It feels good to read again.

I hadn't realized it, but I did watch two movies off the IMDB's list of 250 top movies [no. 63] - Monsters Inc. I watched it a few weekends ago. Of course, I've seen that movie a million times, but it never gets old. I also watched Ratatouille, one of my absolute fave animated movies. The first time I watched it, I didn't like it...but the second time, I fell in love. I really don't know why I love that movie so much...maybe it's the cooking or the French backdrop or Ratatouille himself - but that movie is one of my faves. Ever.

I started no. 71 on Friday, which is to donate $100 to ACS in honors of J's late dad. Relay for Life was at OSU this past weekend, and one of our student workers was participating...so I donated $10 towards the cause. I almost bought a luminaria, but I didn't have cash or my checkbook on me to do it. April 8 made three years since we lost J's dad to pancreatic cancer, and it still breaks my heart to think about him and how we lost him. His dad was such an amazing man with incredible drive and strength. I think his dad would be proud to see the man, the father and the future serviceman J has become. It makes me smile to think about it.

I have no idea what day I'm on with Project 365, but I've been keeping up with it. It's been fun to try and come up with something to take a picture of for the day that actually means something. It hasn't been that hard...and I hope it stays that way. I've also been adding grains of rice to my freerice.com count as I can...I just do it randomly. I thought about becoming a life member of the OSU Alumni Association this year, but they gave me a free year of membership, so I'll just wait until next year, I think. Doing it now will be pretty beneficial since, Lord willing, I'll be around long enough that the cost of becoming a life member will be cheaper than paying the yearly dues.

That's all I've got for the list for now. I'm going to do a separate blog entry with my other thoughts...I'm wide awake still, so might as well!

I know I need to update...

But with JJ being sick, I haven't had the chance. I've been able to cross off a couple of things on my list - I just haven't had time to blog about it yet. I hope that tonight, I finally get the chance!

Another one? You sure?

My mind has been completely consumed with adding another baby to our family. J and I have really been talking about it the past couple of weeks and have pretty much decided to start TTC after he's done with basic training and tech school for the Air Force. I think he's ready, and a pretty big part of me is ready, too...but a small part of me [ok, a decent-sized part of me] isn't ready.

I love JJ. I love the time I have with just the two of us. Adding another baby to the mix will drastically cut our time down. And, if the first trimester of our second pregnancy is like the first tri was with him, I'll be sick and barely functioning. That's three months of time with my son that'll be out the window. I just feel like he's so little now - and still has so much exploring and learning to do as a 16-month-old, especially since he's behind a little bit due to all those ear infections his first year - that adding another baby will just throw things off.

But then, the rational part of me wants them to be close - no more than 2.5 years apart. People are already asking me when we're going to start trying again and when JJ will be a big brother. I JUST turned 24. I have plenty of time. And then there's the cynical part of me that isn't sure I can get pregnant again and is afraid of miscarriage.

All of these emotions are going through me right now about having another baby. The experience the first time around was a complete surprise...and I'm actually hoping that our next one is a big, fat surprise, too. All the pressure of TTC is already on my shoulders. I don't want to be one of those women who charts religiously [and that's not meant to offend my friends who are charting...they're not obsessive about it, by any means - but some women I know take it to the extreme], cries over a BFN and worries all the time about getting pregnant. I just want to toss the condoms [never been on bcp, ever] out the window and let nature take its course. I think for the first year, we'll do that and see what happens.

I think I'm just thinking about this too much. A lot of my friends on the boards and IRL are TTC or are already pregnant, and I put pressure on myself to join them - which is stupid, because I already have an amazing little boy. I'm blessed to be his mommy. And, if we're able to, I'll be blessed to be the mommy to another little one. Guess I just gotta take a deep breath and stop thinking about it so much. If it's meant to be, it will, right?

We're back!

Oh my gosh. I had such an amazing time in Vegas. This honeymoon was absolutely amazing - and just what we needed.

The last couple of days there were pretty slow and peaceful. The one amazing thing we did was go on a gondola ride the last night there.

We went on the cruise through Gondola Adventures out at Lake Las Vegas, and it was absolutely beautiful out there. Our gondolier was so fun, and the lake was fantastic. There were a lot of expensive houses and townhouses out there, but thanks to the housing market crash hitting them so hard, a lot of them were empty. We saw Celine's house when she's out there, Robert DeNiro's house...and the townhouses were going for around $120K when they're easily half a mil each. We got to see the sun set, sail the whole lake and eat an amazing dinner from Sunset & Vines - an amazing restaurant on the lake, so I get to add another restaurant to my list. We're going to have another sail around the lake next time we go, definitely.

The trip back to OKC was a long one. The layover in Salt Lake was so boring - and we didn't get back into town until almost midnight our time. But the entire trip was just...so fun. I loved MGM Grand, I loved being out there, and I've decided we have to go back at least once every two years. At least.

I'm still exhuasted from all that traveling, and it's late - so I'm headed to bed. I'll blog more later!